Me Versus Cancer!

My Dad and what he has to say!

2010-10-30T18:46:00.000-07:00

My Dad sent this to me. This is his last year since my diagnosis!

My Journey

It has now been a year since John found about the cancer. As John’s dad, I’ve wanted to tell my story and now is that time. This is my journey of the past year and what I learned.

The first thing that hits me is disbelief and shock. It was the worst day of my life. We immediately drive to London, as if in a trance, not saying much, trying to maintain some kind of concentration so I can drive. As I drive I ask God to trade the cancer from John to me. If only it was that simple. When me meet in London, of course it is very emotional. Everything is a blur; we don’t know what to say how to act. Tears run freely. There is still the “can’t believe its happening to us”. We spend a couple hours passing time with the kids, talking pretending we are all ok, and tomorrow we will wake up and this will all be a dream.

Bryan and Brenda show up and the tears flow once again. They have treated John like a son and I think about what they must be going through. I constantly think about Jen too. What will she do, how will she cope, what will happen. The girls, Marissa and Mikayla, they play and continue to be kids; seemingly oblivious to the seriousness of the moment. (But I wonder if they know something is wrong) How will they grow up without a daddy? They are so small. Will they remember John?

One fearful thought after another runs through my head.

We have dinner and after, we go to Mark and Jen’s. Mark is not home but John relays his diagnosis to Jen, who stares in disbelief and shock. When Mark comes home he is told and the same disbelief and shock registers with him. We stay for a while and as we are ready to leave, Mark breaks down and cries inconsolably. My sorrow is overwhelming. I know how close these brothers are and the fear that he must be going through too. I realize as a father how helpless I am to protect my children from this insidious disease.

We return to John’s and spend the night. I awaken the next day, and hope that I just had a bad dream, but reality begins to sink in and I feel the same fear and hopelessness from the day before.

The days begin to pass, and news of John’s diagnosis trickles out to the world. Support comes in to him from all over. His friends at work, in his community, my relatives, Jen’s relatives, our friends begin to pray and offer assistance. There is a genuine concern for John, his family and us. If any of you have read John’s blogs you know how much it meant to him and Jen. It meant just as much to Linda and I.

As time passes we become educated on his cancer, and start to realize that there is hope and this is not necessarily a death sentence. John reaches out to the cancer community. He gets help from cancer patients with the same diagnosis as him. He joins cancer groups and goes to meetings and therapy. John asks Linda to go with him to his chemotherapy treatment. She goes and I go to the next one, Jolaine his sister and Mark his brother all have turns. It is an education and a privilege to be with him when he receives the treatments. It is a time spent in support of him and what he is going through.

Slowly, and assuredly I see a change of energy in all of us but most of all in John.

Out of this black moment in our history there is a gift. A gift about life, pride, and gratitude. I see a baby we brought home from the hospital many years ago. I see a boy growing up and going through the fun of boyhood, the continued growth into the teenage years and trials and tribulations of being a young man. Getting married and starting a family of his own. The circle of life. I never dreamt he would have to endure what he has gone through. As a father you always want the best for your kids, but I believe the tests, the lessons and what we are made of are learned through trial and hardship. As parents we have to have the courage to let them make their own mistakes, to let them fall down and hopefully we have influenced them enough so they will get back up and continue their journey.

When I see how John conducted himself through this, my heart swells with pride, that I may have played some small part in the man he is today. How bravely he has faced his fears. But most of all, it is not what I taught him, it is what he taught me.

I would like to thank everyone who supported John on his road to recovery. A special thanks to Bryan and Brenda (John’s inlaws) for all their support. The doctors and nurses at the cancer clinic. Current and former cancer patients.Thanks to our friends and families; John’s brothers and sister and their spouses, my brothers, my cousins, especially Chico and Colleen. The friends John works with, chipped in and bought him a big screen TV to watch while he was recuperating from his chemotherapy. Jen’s family and friends, who were offering support to babysit, send over meals or just sit and listen. If I forgot anyone I apologize. There are so many to thank.

I am writing this for my own healing and what I have endured. It is about how precious my family and friends are to me.

A greatful, loving and caring dad.

Cancerversary!

2010-10-19T18:42:00.000-07:00

Well It is one year since I found out about my cancer tomorrow. I remember the doctor coming into the room and telling me it wasn't good. I thought at that moment I wouldn't be here writing this now. Then a funny thing happen along the way, I learned about my cancer and decided I need to beat this because I love my life. Besides I have these 3 girls my wife, and 2 daughters that are counting on me. I can honestly say I feel healthier, happier and stronger then I ever have. I've become a bit more modest of my future... I tend not to look to far ahead anymore. One day at a time! I feel lucky for all that I have. I'm not angry that this has happen to me, I've accepted it and changed my life to deal better and beat this stupid cancer. I am a cancer survivor for one year and now working on my second. Some days I'm still scared. I wonder if it will return or if I'm done with it. Oddly though my life feels normal, much like it used to. I feel blessed to have the family and friends I have, you've made my survival so much easier. Special thanks to my parents and in laws for taking caring of me when I couldn't. I've been a busy boy the last month or so. I spent a week up north with a friend from work at his cottage. We spent a couple of days with him and his wife and little girl. Then we stayed alone as a family for the rest of the week because my friend had to return to London for a wedding. We stayed on Baptiste lake which holds a special place in my heart. My parents brought us there 2 weeks every summer for over 20 years. I have a lot of amazing memories there and it was nice to see my girls enjoying the cottage and lake so much. At the beginning of the month we did a camping weekend with my parents,sister and family,brother and family. It was soooooooooooooooo much fun the girls love to hang with there cousins. I also spent a week in Vancouver visiting my brother. It was great fun to visit such an amazing place with my sister who was along for the trip also. It went fast but was well worth it. The west coast lifestyle was very different and the views of the mountains were awesome. Thanks to Terry and Pauline who had us for dinner in there lovely home in Surrey. We hope your health is improving quickly for both of you. At the end of the summer we camped at the KOA in Port Huron Michigan. This was also a hoot to party and play poker with the fellow dads... Thanks to the wives who put up with are nonsense, and to my wife who finally let me get a GPS. I think I'll get my little bro Matt one since we were lost everywhere we went in B.C.

I am officially a one year survivor, doesn't sound that impressive but I have to start somewhere. I can still remember the doctor telling me it wasn't good news... "IT'S CANCER" he said. Basically I had 3 to 5 years to live. I remember my wife asking him if I'd be here next year. I didn't say much when he told me... Seriously what do you say when someone tells you have cancer. I said nothing, I sat there stunned! Didn't cry just thought about my girls... Then about my girls more. The first month I was stunned I don't remember much! Lots of thoughts poured through my head, do I have enough life insurance? Will my wife remarry? will my kids cry at night for there daddy? Will the Chemo make me really sick? Will the chemo work? Will my parents be alright? Will my wife be alright? Who's going to cut the grass? Will I die in pain? Is this my last Christmas? Will I ever work again? Am I strong enough? How do I tell my young girls that there dad might die? What's a stem cell transplant? Will we ever be able to have more children? Will I be able to enjoy life again? Why me?

For me things started to change when I gained knowledge. First it was knowledge of my cancer (Follicular Non Hodgkins Lymphoma). I got my first piece of knowledge from a young gentlemen who had just finished his treatment for my exact cancer in the previous year. Also another young lady that I'd met at the Cancer clinic on my first visit with NHL too, she showed me the ropes that day! Then came Dr Chin-Yee the head of Oncology at LHSC... He explained the disease to me carefully and sympathetically. I trusted him fully. Then came wellsprings a support center in London, with lots of alternative healing techniques. Through wellsprings I found I2Y a support group for people under 40 with cancer. My whole perspective on cancer did a 360 overnight!!! I didn't fear cancer anymore like I had and I was ready for the fight! a fight I now believe I can win! I'm so thankful for modern medicine and the fact that it has put my cancer into remission. But I'm determined that the knowledge I gain will help me live a long full life in my battle against cancer. A cancer like mine has a high chance of re occurring so I'd be crazy to not explore other options in my fight. So I've empowered myself with a cancer fighting diet, good old fashion sweat and tears, and some good old take care of myself relaxation techniques. But now I'm so tired I must sleep!

Healing Circle!

2010-07-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

The title of my blog is the name of a book I just read . The book given to me by a fellow cancer survivor as a gift. The book is co authored by Dr. Rob Rutledge and Timothy Walker PhD. Rob Rutledge is a Radiation Oncologist, Tim Walker is a Psychotherapist. The book is a great read for anyone who has cancer or a family member with cancer. Everything that I'm trying to accomplish in my cancer journey is talked about in this book. I want to survive for as long as possible! One of the reasons I find this book so interesting is because this is a doctor speaking of alternatives to conventional medicine. Rob refers often throughout the book of Dr. Siegel a surgeon who wrote a book called Love, Medicine and Miracles. In his book he wrote of the "Super Patient!" He was curious why some patients, even ones with terminal illness cured themselves or lived much longer then what doctors predicted they would. What Dr Siegel discovered was that these people empowered themselves with a balance of conventional medicine, diet and exercise, and alternative techniques. The Healing Circle explains these techniques and how to apply them. They take the time to explain how to get the best out of the conventional medical system. Rob a radiation oncologist admits that conventional medicine can only bring us so far. Almost all cancers are still incurable to this day. Basically the book has many amazing stories of people and there cancer journeys. Many who were not giving long to survive and that are now cured or lived much longer then they were expected. It also gives you techniques on how to let you live your life, as opposed to cancer living your life. To me this is huge, since I've come out of the post cancer shock I've been determined to live my life. It really took me 4 months to come out of the shock and anxiety of my diagnosis and start to relive my life. They speak of diet and exercise as one of the key components to the super patients survival. Although he never speaks of any specific way to eat, he speaks often that these super patients take there diet and exercise seriously, alot of them also using naturopath and homeopath remedies. Well as many of you know that read my blog, the diet and exercise is a lifestyle for me now. This will be for the rest of my life! The naturopath and homeopath techniques are being researched and are on there way soon. I really think it makes sense to incorporate the naturopathic and homeopathic perspective into incurable cancers. What do you have to lose? The last part of the book explores alternative techniques for example, yoga, tai chi, meditation, reiki. He talks about the importance of these techniques, how they reduce stress and bring a sense of wholeness and inner peace. They know that the body fights cancer better when the bodies relaxed. How do you relax somebody with cancer? Not easy we're a bunch of freaks... I'm the most calm laid back person I know and I was freaking. So things like Reiki, and yoga were so helpful. When I was going through my chemo I practiced all of the above examples. Yoga in particular helped me so much with relaxation, most notably with my sleeping. After reading this book I realize I need to start back into them. I mean all this is free through wellsprings London, so why wouldn't I take advantage of them. Yoga was my favorite followed by art therapy and reiki, even though I'm shit at art it's very relaxing and therapeutic for me. Throughout the book there are stories of people and there amazing journeys. One that caught my attention was a gentlemen with AML a aggressive type of leukemia. He was in the middle of intense chemo when he had 2 viruses attack his body at the same time. He couldn't eat he was vomiting, convulsing and blacking in out of consciousness. He remembers it got so bad that the doctors and nurses rushed in to shove a feeding tube down his throat. He heard the doctors say to his father this is are only chance to keep him alive. For some reason the were having a heck of a time getting the tube down his throat. He remembers his dad shouting, " have you had enough son?" Followed by, " give me a sign and I'll make them stop!" Meaning to let him die. He never gave his dad that sign. After he came out of the coma 3 days later he slowly recovered. He's still here today and cured, and using the techniques in the book. To be that close to death and make it, WOW! After I read that I looked at my wife, handed her the book and said, "read this story!" That was the most powerful story in the book. There's a woman with breast cancer who talks about her journey. All I'd have to do is change the name and the type of cancer from her story. Every detail she wrote about was a mirror image of how I felt in my cancer journey. Just how she realized that her cancer would no longer run her life. Very powerful to me! In a nutshell after I read this book I realized that I want to be a super patient. The main reason is because I want to watch my daughters grow up. Another is egotistical, but I want people to say I know that guy and he beat cancer. I want to help other cancer survivors. I want to be a better person, part of that is being more balanced in body, mind and soul. Diet and exercise should be a no brainer for all of us regardless of having cancer or not. So maybe cancer sucks but it certainly doesn't have to ruin my life no matter how much time I have left. I will not let cancer run my life! To myself, 2 little girls, my wife, and all else who love and support me I promise that... That's a promise worth keeping I'd say.

Oh yes to Derek thanks for the tips on the naturopath!

Also To Craig thanks for the link!

My Check up!

2010-07-15T13:55:00.000-07:00

Well today I had my first check up since my last chemo! Other then the 3 and a half hour wait things went well. I asked why they check my blood work even though I'm done my chemo. The reason is there are certain indicators in the blood that can tip him off to whether or not the disease is progressing again. My indicators all came back normal.... thank god! Dr Chin-Yee (super cool doctor) was concerned about my weight loss and questioned me about it. He was comfortable with my answer, which was lots of exercise and proper diet. After all weight loss is a sign that the disease is progressing again. When he seen me 3 months ago I was 255lbs and today I weighed in at 215lbs. That's 40 big ones gone for those of you who don't do the math. Chin-Yee checked all my lymphnodes like he always does, then at my wife's request he checked my moles. My wife a few checkups ago wanted the doc to recheck my groin... She gets a kick out of watching doctors feeling me up! Moles are good by the way! I'll get her back one day when a beautiful young intern comes in and I'll have her recheck my groin over and over again. I have a friend who has Follicular Non hodgkins lymphoma like myself. She has never been treated for the tumor that has been growing in her neck. It had grown a to a fair size and she had enough and wanted it gone. So they did a CAT scan to determine if she needed chemo or if it could be surgically removed. The CAT scan show no grow in the tumor in 5 yrs and I believe one little spot in the abdomen. So she's having that sucker removed. For those of you who read my blog regularly no that this is not an option for me because my cancer is more spread out. Anyways good luck with the surgery and you are an inspiration! Well got to take my girls to dance, Chow!

Stupid Cancer!

2010-07-11T15:39:00.000-07:00

We had a stupid cancer camping gathering this weekend and it was funtastic. Big thanks goes out to Luke and Donna for organizing the outing. My girls had never been camping so I had no idea what to expect. After a bit of a rough Friday night (Marissa was sick!). Saturday turned into a dreamy day in which the girls truly enjoyed... They grew to love camping this weekend and I couldn't be happier. I quite enjoyed the whole stupid cancer camping thing. To sit by the camp fire was amazing, as well as a few beers and stimulating conversations. Myself and Donna managed to stay up until 3am Saturday night! We outlasted Melissa by 20 minutes or so. We listened to a few snore bears also. Now I thinks it's bed time I am so pooped and special thanks to my mom for camping with us. We were like a couple of stooges setting up that tent!

Hanging on!

2010-07-07T18:53:00.000-07:00

I've spent a lot of time thinking and reflecting since my diagnosis. One thing I've learned is life is short... So I want to leave this piece of advice for my kids! Life is full of ups and downs... Recognize and enjoy the ups. The downs are harder, sometimes all we can do is hold on. But don't hold on for too long! Don't be afraid to let go and step right back out there! When I was diagnosed. I was crushed and all I could do was hold on... I've let go and now I'm pushing forward, it's time to kick ass! I can't be bothered about what might happen to me and let cancer control my life... I still think it's important that I educate myself and go to my check ups that's being responsible for my health. To dwell on what might happen does me no good. Some nights I worry about my kids without a father, but then I let go. I need to enjoy my kids now. One thing I can promise to you girls is we'll continue to have fun... That's why we're camping this weekend!

One thing that is very clear to me about Follicular Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma is it's not curable by modern medicine. Modern medicine has lengthened remissions and stem cell transplants have giving some people so called cures. Dr Chin-yee told me that they declare you cured after 10 years of remission, but it could still come back at anytime. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm not what I call a cure. If you die of something else before you relapse isn't a cure for me either. Because modern medicine can only give me so much and that much I'm thankful for... But as I've mentioned before I decided to attack my cancer with exercise and diet. I decided whether it works or not I'm still much better off with a healthier lifestyle. Not to mention that as a parent it important to show my children the importance of exercising and eating well. I'm now considering going to a naturopath Dr for help with longer remissions or cures. I have to stay open minded especially when modern medicine still has no cure. I've learned of a young woman in Windsor. She was in remission with breast cancer, but it relapsed as stage 4 breast cancer which means your going to die. She went back on the chemo but it couldn't slow the cancer down. She was in such bad shape she couldn't get out bed. Then came the visits from the naturopath, well the tumors are shrinking she now is healthy enough to go grocery shopping. They had a fundraiser for her a few weeks ago so she can continue to use the naturopath, which is expensive and not covered by OHIP. Seriously why are we not combining modern medicine with naturopathic and homepathic techniques. Drug companies are afraid of a cure shitty but true. So I'll try and figure it out myself. I guess you could say I'm " Hanging on".

Back To Work Today!

2010-06-28T16:15:00.000-07:00

Today was my first official day back to work, albeit only 2 hrs. I will be broken in slowly for 2 hrs a day for 2 weeks and 4hrs a day for 2 weeks and then into full time hrs again in August. My body feels strong so I have no worries about keeping up. There's part of me that wants to prove to cancer that I can come back stronger then before so Fuck-you cancer. The fact that I won't be able to spend every hour with my daughters is the only downfall about going back to work. On the other hand I wasn't sure 6 months ago If I'd have much longer to live. So all is good on the mental side of things right now. Eating healthy continues as scheduled and kinda has become a hobby of mine, looking for healthy recipes and such. If anyone has some cancer fighting recipes send them along I prefer low fat if possible!

I spent some time in Windsor and was able to fish with my dad and golf with my sister. Also we had a grade school reunion with my old classmates from St. John Vianney. It was a blast from the past since I haven't seen some of my classmates in 25 yrs. It was great to see all of you!

Health wise nothing to report other then I'm always touching the lymph nodes in my armpits. After all that's where my cancer appeared. Good news is I don't feel anything, bad news is that feeling nothing doesn't tell me shit. Only a CAT scan can tell me if it's growing again. No CAT scan until October, but I do have maintenance chemo July 16th.

Fun Times!!!

2010-06-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well I continue on with life almost as normal. I had a fantastic time on my golf trip in Michigan. 5 days of nothing but golf and fun. I tried do drink moderately, but I did manage to over do it Thursday night, which resulted in dry heaves for an hour or so Thursday night. On a lighter note I shot my best round a 74 at Eagle Glen Friday morning. I have to say I struggled Saturday and Sunday and I think it was because I was tired. It showed in my scores 88 on Saturday and 89 Sunday. Which sucked because I was in the seventies the first three days. I guess partying till 2am for a recovering chemo patient was a bit much, especially waking up at 7am. Anyhow it was great to see the guys on the golf trip... These 19 guys were a great support when I was diagnosed with cancer. They didn't cut me any slack on the golf course, no special treatment for cancer boy. I wouldn't have it any other way thanks guys!

As far as work is concerned.... I've decided that June 28th is going to be my return date. I have mixed emotions about going back. I've had the girls all to myself for the last month and it's been the best time of my life. Knowing that I can keep up with a 2yr old and 4yr old everyday as well as doing the house cleaning,laundry, and cooking supper is a fantastic test for work. Actually this is much harder then my job but more rewarding. Daddy loves his girls the love of my life.... On the flip side I'm excited to hang with the guys at work, I've always enjoyed my job and just being with the guys. I don't have to tell you about all they've done for me! With the girls daycare opening up a spot June 28th everything has come together nicely, so it's time to head back to work.

I was invited by my bosses daughter to shave her head. She was donating her hair for wigs and she raised over a thousand dollars in donations. Before I shaved her head I did a speech on my journey with cancer... My wife said it was good, I can't remember it I was to nervous. Thanks Amanda for inviting me, your contributions are so appreciated.

Medically speaking I don't have much right now, My next appointment is a checkup Thursday July 15th. On the 16th I'll do my maintenance chemo! I'll probably have a date for my next CAT scan on that weekend also.

Physically I feel strong and well. The healthy eating continues as well as the exercise. I have so much energy it is incredible. 218lbs was my last weigh in, pretty good considering I was a sloppy 254 after chemo in April. I can actually jog on the treadmill for 20 minutes at a time. I couldn't do over a minute when I started. I've almost doubled what I was weight lifting when I started so strength is recovering fast!

I had another stupid cancer gathering at Chaucers Pub in London and it was fun. It's becoming harder to hang out with my cancer buddies now that I have the girls alone during the week. I try to make it a point to hang with them once a week.

In August I have camping with the family and my trip to Vancouver!

Putting life back together!

2010-05-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well as I journey into the unknown that for me is life after chemo. I realize that I've been blessed with one great gift from god above. That is the gift to not worry about the things I can't control. I was always for the most part good at it but when I discovered I had cancer it was put to it's greatest test. I had a slow start but have learned to give back control to the god above and live life one day at a time. I don't look back or worry much at all about my cancer as much as I thought. I do still acknowledge it and talk about it often. I like talking about it and find it quite therapeutic. I often find myself reflecting back to all the love I received and help from are friends and families. The connections I made in the cancer community with people battling the disease like myself. These are friendships that will last forever and I couldn't be happier. I have a greater appreciation for life in general and greater will to live then ever. Cancer has taken a chunk out of me but I can't ever let it beat me! For me now the future is today and when I wake up tomorrow the future begins again. For this I'm thankful! Tonight I'm headed over to my brother's for a UFC fight!

To update my new lifestyle change as far as exercise and diet! This has went well I continue to exercise and eat well. The most amazing part is how well I've avoided sugar and my body craves sugar. When I reflect back to my eating habits I realized I ate well for the most part. But my worst habits revolved around sugar mostly Coke. I could remember stopping at stores on the way to work to pick up candy, it got to be almost everyday. This was the year before I was diagnosed with the cancer. After I went to the seminar on diet and nutrition and heard the nutritionist speak of how they strongly suspect because cancer cells need lots of energy to survive they therefore thrive of sugar and the quick energy boost it gives them. I guess it sounds crazy that I'm suggesting that my cravings were feeding my cancer but is it really that crazy? On a lighter note, no pun intended, I've lost more weight now and am down to 222 lbs from the whopping 252lbs after chemo... My wife can call me Mc hottie instead of Mc fatty.

Feeling Good!

2010-05-21T05:21:00.000-07:00

Well I finally have a second to write about what's going on in my life. I have been feeling great since the chemo has been done. I've been hitting the gym quite frequently and working out almost everyday. I've shrunk my 252 lbs frame down to 228 lbs. All the lost weight has given me a burst of energy that I really need to take care of the girls now that my help is all gone home. My goal is to be in better shape for when I go back to work. I believe I'm already in much better shape then I was when I left. June 28th seems to be the date set for my return to work. I'll go back 2 hrs a day for the 1st 2 weeks then 4hrs a week for 2 weeks then in August I'll return to full time on straight days until Christmas. I've started eating much better since my chemo was done. Mostly plants and nuts with a moderate amount of meat... I've been paranoid of sugar but there has been a few ice creams snuck in there. The first week in June is my golf trip so I'm very pumped to golf with the boys. They've all been a great support since my diagnosis. Kinda a funny story I went over to Fellows Creek golf course in Michigan last week to golf with some of the guys from the golf trip. When we got to the border the border guard was really grilling us hard about why we were crossing today... He asked Lynwood how he got the day off to golf. Lynwood mentioned that he was on midnights and he had to go in later that night. He asked Keith and Keith said he had the day off of work. When he asked me how I got the day off I told him that I finished chemo a month ago and didn't know when I had to return to work! I didn't even finish and he told us to have a nice day! Keith said "boy you shut him up fast didn't you!" Lastly I've booked my trip with my sister to Vancouver In august to see my brother Matt... So this is going to be an exciting summer.

Feeling Good!

2010-05-03T20:28:00.000-07:00

Well now that I'm not doing chemo anymore I've started to really concentrate on exercise and diet. Things have been going well since I finished chemo. I went to a lecture by James Mulligan the nutritionist from the London cancer clinic on nutrition. There were a few things that opened my eyes... 30% of cancers are related to poor diet. 30% to related to smoking. One that I didn't find surprising but quite a few of the people did was to not use vitamins or supplements especially if you already have cancer. I had seen a CNN show on vitamins and supplements and how dangerous they can be and how often they are not needed. My diet will be much more natural with more nuts,fruits,and veggies with much less meat. Of course I'll continue on with the exercise which I have been enjoying.

I'm excited for my golf trip in June. It will be a good test for my overall stamina which I think is pretty good. Also just days away from booking a trip to Vancouver so that's exciting. Otherwise I'm ready to take the girls on myself... A big thanks to my parents and Jen's parents for coming down to watch the girls well I recovered from chemo! This meant so much to me mentally especially to be able to rest and go out anytime I wanted to... I'm truly blessed! So I have big plans with the girls over the first part of the summer before I go back to work. These 2 little rascals will keep me quite busy and I'm looking forward to it. Big thanks to everyone who keeps reading and commenting I love those comments.

Mentally I feel great! I'm not the type that dwells on what I've been through. I don't worry so much about relapsing that's out of my control I'll worry about it if or when it ever happens. I live each day like it's my last and I don't sweat the small things as much. This isn't to say things aren't important to me. More then ever some things are more important. Like thanking each and everyone of you that's been there for me and there was a lot of you. Instead I enjoy the little things in life a bit more... Don't worry so much about retirement or money. Don't worry or care what people think of me as much. Try and spend my time with the people I love or doing the things I most enjoy. Also if you didn't get a chance to read the story my sister in law wrote about I2Y in the London free press I'll link it now.http://www.lfpress.com/news/london/2010/04/23/13698566.html .
http://www.lfpress.com/news/london/2010/04/23/13694801.html

This story made me cry because it brought back so much from my diagnosis which for me was the hardest part of cancer. When you have so many unknowns and so many damn questions... It was the first time in my life that I wondered if I'd be around next year. The fear of not seeing the 2 brightest stars in my life Marissa and Mikayla grow up. The fears are less now and the appreciation is so great for what I have and accomplished. The new friends I've met have enlightened me so much and my longtime friends and family have held me up when I needed it. I will continue to write as my journey continues into the maintenance phase of chemo. My next one is in July as well as another in October followed by a CAT scan. So wish me luck as I journey into the unknown. Happy Mother's Day to everyone especially to my Mom who I consider the best Mom ever. Also to my wife the best Mom I could of hoped for my kids... Also my best Mother In Law ever for taking care of me the kids and Jen!!!! She loves it though and will miss us when she returns to work!!!

Get Ready To Be Confused!

2010-04-22T18:13:00.000-07:00

First of all my chemo is done! Tomorrow I start the first phase of maintenance chemo every 3months for 2 yrs. Maintenance chemo is non toxic so I'll be able to continue on with everyday activities. Dr Chin-yee explained me that I only achieved partial remission which at first to me sounded pretty shitty! He then explained that it's partial because the CAT scan still sees something there. He told me if the CAT scan doesn't pick up anything it would of been full remission. This doesn't increase or decrease my chances of relapse significantly he told me. Basically because there something there doesn't mean it's cancer still... But it could be inactive cancer cells hopefully never to grow again. Even when in full remission there is still cancer cells there just not enough for a CAT scan to pick up. He told me Doctors tend to pat themselves on the back when full remission is achieved. He said the reality is we have full remission people walk in 6months later and have relapsed. In a nutshell not a significant increase or decrease in relapses between full and partial remission. He did say slightly better results in full remission. He said his gut reaction is a long remission and who knows with any luck maybe a forever remission. He did assure me Follicular is completely unpredictable and I've figured that out. Now he told me that the reason they treat with CHOP-R chemo in young people is the hope of a cure or a long remission. If they don't get a cure or long remission he assured me I have lots of options available. If I relapse they may consider doing nothing for 2 or 3 years. They could try other chemos and of course the possibility of a stem cell transplant which gives me a 40% chance of cure. So as the doc says we have some bullets in the chamber if we need them. So I feel overwhelmed but upbeat! Hope I didn't confuse you!

CAT Scan results tomorrow!

2010-04-21T19:05:00.000-07:00

Well Thursday I find out the results of my CAT scan. For all of you that follow you know that if the tumor is shrinking still then I have one more chemo if the tumor is the same then no more chemo. I'm not sure which result I'd prefer. If the tumor is the same then I know the chemo has done as much as it could... If it is still shrinking then I'll wonder if the cancer is still there! So it's a catch 22! Even though my body has handled the chemo well I'm tired of doing chemo and would rather not do anymore. Of course I'll see the doctors every 3 months for the next 2 years for checkups and maintenance chemo! So yeah for me! The maintenance chemo is non toxic so I should be able to carry on with everyday normal life throughout the maintenance stage. Dare I say I hope the damn thing comes back... Then I'll kick it's ass again!!!

I continue to visit Wellsprings which is a cancer support center in London. I love the art therapy and the yoga the best. I haven't been going to the reiki as much or the theraputic touch. I continue to hang
with all my cancer buddies. Thanks to the Stupid cancer and wellsprings I've met and developed great relationships with people going through the exact same thing I am.... These friendships helped me tremendously throughout my treatment. Thank-you to my parents and in laws who watch my children so I can socialize. I've had a chance to hit goodlife to workout this week and I've felt amazing because of it. I'm hoping to drop the 30lbs that I've gained in the last 6 months of chemo. Fatty daddy as I call myself. I want to tie my shoes without my head turning red. I've felt so positive lately most likely because I've been feeling so well and the darn weather has been so nice. My next goal is to get a plane ticket to Vancouver in August to visit my brother. I think a trip to see him would be healing you know the mountains and to witness the west coast way of life. Keep an eye out for this Saturday's London free press I have a small part in a story with young people with cancer! You can look it up online if you don't live in London. The story will shed light on the difficulties of young people with cancer. This story is important because I never realized the road blocks that young people have to deal with once diagnosed with cancer. Simple things like dating,finding a job, having a baby, life insurance, finding support, and many other issues. Funny story that happened to me today I had my personal trainer call to set up an appointment to train with him. He wanted to no when we could setup a date to train. I told him I didn't want to set up anything until tomorrow when I found out if I had to do more chemo on Friday... A long awkward pause came on the other line... I could feel the poor guys horror. So I said I'll call him tomorrow when I know my results. I hope he answers the phone! The day before I was calling for car insurance quotes and one of the agents started going into the need to have life insurance. He pushed a bit harder even after I told him I already had a policy that I was happy with. So I dropped the cancer bomb and end of conversation. So if you want to end a conversation with an insurer just drop the cancer bomb!!!

I've been so lazy!

2010-04-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

I have to say that the last 2 weeks have been exhausting. My youngest brother came from vancouver for easter and that was the big surprise since my parents had no idea. It made for an eventful week. I took the girls to Windsor so we could hang with Matt. Unfortunately Marissa and I caught some stomach flu thing and I spent alot of time in bed... It was nasty and combine that with the chemo it made for some rough days... But all is good now! I think we passed it on to half are poor family! Sorry Guys! I missed the stupid cancer that I was so excited for because I was laid up in bed all day tuesday.

Well I'm scheduled for the big CAT scan next wednesday. This will tell me of course if I'm done or if I have to do one more chemo. Health wise I feel pretty good my stamina is low but that's to be expected. I have my gym membership and I'd like to start hitting the gym next week and get this pudgy drugged up body in shape. Of course the reality of starting my new cancer fighting diet will start SOON as well as exercise. I need to be in the best shape of my life in case I have to fight the beast again! There's no more excuses as far as I'm concerned my little girls depend on that. It would be nice to grow hair on my body again and of course the possibility of going back to work! I will also be doing a maintenance chemo every three months for 2 years after my last chemo. Of course I will be getting checkups all the time for relapses... As I cruise back into my life after chemo. I wonder what this will be like? I've talked to a lot of people who went through the chemo treatment and so many of them say it's harder going back to normal then going through the actual chemo. They say leaving the comfort zone of the treatment and having someone always watching you can be frightening. When you go back to work everyone thinks well he looks great he must be fine! This just simply is not always the case... I don't know how I'll feel when I get to this point. I'm pretty laid back and I don't dwell to much on what I've been through just looking forward to living every day the best I can from here. I'm so pooped I'm going to bed! Goodnight!

Chemo 7 Done!

2010-03-27T08:05:00.000-07:00

Well I had chemo #7 yesterday and I must say I feel pretty darn good to... Maybe the chemo is going to take it easy on me again and that sounds ok to me... I'm going to put some pics of me from the chemo suite just to give everyone an idea of just how much drugs they put in to me! Which is an awful lot of drugs yuk! Kinda of a neat thing they do at the chemo suite... They have a bell in lobby and when you do your last chemo you get to come out and ring the bell. It was quite surreal and a nice touch because there so many people in lobby and the nurses also follow you out... So DING DING! that's me ringing the bell followed by lots of cheering,clapping,and hugging. I didn't think this would have such an effect on me but I have to admit it made me cry!!! You know alot of things went through my head when the bell rung, but mostly the gratefulness I felt towards those nurses and the love and care they've given to me... Also how sick to my stomach I was when I heard the london health and science center wants to layoff cancer nurses so it could hire another CEO. Disgusting! Our local MP Deb Matthews give your head a shake get down to the cancer clinic watch those nurses save lives!

To be cured or not to be cured!

2010-03-25T18:22:00.000-07:00

That is the question and no one is positive on the answer. Today I went in for my check up with Dr. Chin-yee which was great because I had alot of questions I wanted to ask him. He is the big cheese in oncology the best of the best. Not only that... when you ask him a question he explains in detail why they do things a certain way and gives pros and cons to everything! The appointment started out as they always do I lay down and the doc feels all my lymphnodes throughout my body.... Followed by a series of general overall health questions. This time much like my last appointment they talk about how well the chemo has worked! Then Dr Chin-yee talks about the possibility of a cure! CURE! I'm confused because I thought there was no such thing. Dr Chin-yee is cautiously optimistic about a cure but shit I'll take it!!! The doc's seem to be more optimistic every time I walk through the door. Realistically if they told me today I was cured I'll still worry everyday about relapsing until the day I die... Of course he talks about the reality of relapsing and that I still have many good treatment options if I do relapse. So today I have a huge burst of confidence in my overall health. Still I have cancer and it may never go away totally. I also pressed him about the possibility of doing a PET scan. This particular scan is and imaging scan like the CAT scan but is a newer technology that supposed to be the new measuring stick for detecting cancerous cells. Dr Chin-yee sat down and explained the pros and cons to the PET scan to me. He didn't believe it was a particularly good scan against follicular NHL especially when you have more then one area of involvement of the lymphnodes which I do... He explained that this is a much better test for Hodgkins lymphoma which is cancer that is localized to the areas where the tumors are found. He told me that they can scan an actively growing cancerous tumor and the PET scan can come back as not cancerous even though the tumor is actively growing. Now he told me if after all the chemo was done and my tumor was still rather large then they would consider doing a PET scan. He said he's been burned twice in his career on PET scans. What he said was the PET scan gave him a false sense of security leading him to treat areas that he said didn't need to be treated... So for my particular case he doesn't feel comforted by a good or bad PET scan result for me... He would rather go with the CAT scan where they physically measure the tumor to see if it is growing or staying the same. After he explained this to me I felt much better. So I'll have another CAT scan in 3 to 4 weeks if my tumor measures the same I'm in remission but if the tumor has shrunk I'll be going in for and 8th and final chemo. He also said that he'll do another CAT scan in 3 or 4 months to make sure I'm in true remission... I also learned that rituximab which is the maintenance drug that they give every 3 months for 2 yrs after chemo. They used to only offer this to grade 1 and 2 NHLers the maintenance drug because studies showed greater distance between relapse but not so much with the grade 3a and b me being 3a. But now they offer the maintenance to grade 3's if I want it because rituximab is non toxic or basically because it doesn't hurt. So it's worth a try I think... I also asked him about radiation for my left over tumor. Once again since I don't have a localized tumor it's not practical to radiate all over my body. If I had one localized tumor then they might radiate... It's a possibility that I could relapse in one area and they might radiate the area that relapsed. So if this is all hard to follow that's ok it's confusing and I read and talk about it everyday with fellow NHLers. Keep in mind there are a million ways to treat Follicular NHL and theories on how to treat it. Treatment is changing so fast that most likely someone diagnosed today would be treated differently then me.

I'm so glad everyone likes the colors of the blog. The slide show has so many more pics but for some reason they're not all showing up I'll have to fix it. Linda you tell mike I'll be at golf with a big smile ready to kick some butt!
Oh and I have chemo tomorrow quite possibly my last one!

I changed my template!

2010-03-19T16:20:00.000-07:00

I decided with all this beautiful weather that I'd go with a more spring like blog I hope you all like it! This burst of spring weather and a combination of me feeling so well has really energized me of late. Chemo #7 is just around the corner on March 26th and I hope this is it. I don't have a date yet for my next CAT scan but I should know this by thursday... I also have a stupid cancer gathering coming up on the 30th of march that i'm very much excited for. Also have an exciting surprise coming soon but shhhhhh it's a secret for now!

Friendship!

2010-03-17T22:21:00.000-07:00

I'd like to devote this blog to my daughters... I want to talk about my views on friendship so they oneday can look back and know what there dad valued. So many of my cancer friends that I've talked to have mentioned that when they were diagnosed with cancer that they had some of there good friends pull away from them... I thought about this for along time and I realized I didn't have one friend of mine pull away! For this I feel lucky! In fact after my diagnosis I kinda reaquainted with alot of my old buddies as the phone calls poured in one after another... Also the newer group of friends that Jen and I have had the honor to hang with since moving to London 10 yrs ago... This group stepped up huge for us after I was diagnosed providing love,support,food, and advice. Of course my work buddies who gave me such generous gifts after I was diagnosed and they still call to check up on me all the time. I feel blessed and thank all of our friends for all your help and support.

I can honestly say that in 38 yrs of living I don't know if there would be more 2 people in my life that I've met that I don't like... There are some people that I don't love to be around alot but I wouldn't say I don't like them. I guess I was given the gift of patience towards my fellow humans. People really have a hard time pissing me off! I remember my dad telling me when I was young that there is 2 sides to every story and for some reason that always stuck for me. I tried not to judge people because of this. To me this is so true sometimes we all act out were not always the best friend. We all have are own fears or skeletons in our closets. Each and everyone of us has hurt are good friends oneway or another... I've never taken being hurt by my friends to personally because they are good people and I believed they never meant to hurt me. I have friends who I don't talk to for over 6months at a time, but when we speak It's like we hung out yesterday we laugh we share stories ask about each others families. I can't tell you how much that means to me to feel no guilt even know it's been tooooo loonngg since we talked. I often think of my gradeschool friends some of who I still speak with today... Of course there's the highschool buddies next and when I think back I find myself laughing my ass off because I had so much fun with all of you guys. God did we do some crazy fun shit back in those days... I remember trying to steal on of those huge party tents out of a park in Belle River at 3am one morning because we had this great idea that we would bring it to grand bend and set it up on the beach... It was a great idea until the OPP showed up. I remember my buddy Claudio falling out of the minivan we were in while it was moving and then we preceeded to run him over after he fell out. He was fine other then a nasty bruise on his leg. I remember fooling a bunch of american girls into believing I was Eric Lindros and then going back to there parents house to sign autographs after I didn't want anything to do with that one but my buddies talked me into it. I remember my buddy Roy made the best Ice tea ever and I still can't duplicate it! I remember a bunch of drunk guys sitting at a campfire crying and telling each other how much we loved each other... These are the kinda things that good friendships bring and there's alot more I just don't type fast enough. Then you move into your adult life and you have your adult friends neighbours,work friends, and all kinds of people you meet. One of my favourites is 4 of us from work went to a cottage for a weekend and we all stripped down and did naked cliff diving, I couldn't stop laughing the whole day... It was kind of a brokeback weekend as one of are wives mentioned. Friends come and sometimes we drift apart for many reasons this is natural are lives get busy... Don't be discouraged because no one can take away the good times so have lots of them. Your true friends are just a phone call away even if it's been over a year... With all these social networking sites it's becoming easier to stay in touch. I was lucky I have alot of friends who have giving me a lifelong worth of memories.

I want to thank everyone for all the great comments on my last blog, Jolaine at Matt glad you guys are here for me. Mom I do hate this fucking cancer too! Bryan and Brenda couldn't do it with out you. Erin I never thought I see someone request more blogging from me on facebook but you proved me wrong so here you go. Jen you and Mark do so much just by helping out on fridays and the lasagna and visits. Jewel ditto back at you girl. Colleen and Chico it's always great to hear what you're up to. Are you guys coming home from florida soon?

Chemo #6 done!

2010-03-08T16:03:00.000-08:00

A big thanks to all the comments on the blog again! Colleen as long as the weather is good in florida you should be able to beat Shannon in golf... Erin Happy 30th birthday now that you are an official cougar and yes the 7th will be a breeze. Bev I'm glad it's warming up for you guys it's time to get the bikinis out an tan those bodies lol! Kim you're like my own little personal cheerleader I love it... Baldylocks wrote to me I love your blog and liz's army 2 of my favourites.

Well friday I did my 6th chemo and it went well. My brother Mark came with me to this chemo I'm not sure what he thought of it... I was to much in chemical wash to talk when it was all done. I sleep through most of it now anyhow. Mark and I are only 10 months apart and much like twins have always been by each others sides since birth. I moved to london and he followed me shortly. We both even married Jen's so that's how close we are but not the same one... I think it was hard on him watching his older brother recieving chemo it's no party. It's hard being the oldest and feeling so weak in front of him and my sister and my youngest brother for that matter... I'm supposed to be the wise strong older brother and this cancer can humble you quick! I think when people ask me what's the hardest part of having cancer it's the loss of control you feel you had before you had cancer... the reality is there was no control of my life before cancer! I know that because I could die at anytime with or without cancer and I have no control! I always think of car accidents so many people die in these crazy car accidents and there are so many other ways to go. So when I give up the control to cancer it's easier to deal with but make no mistake about it I've hated every moment of having the shitty disease! Again this is the way I deal with it... I've read so many blogs of people with cancer and we all deal with it differently but each and everyone of us friggin hates the disease but we're all surviving. So now that my tooth infection is gone the docs suspect I'll deal with the chemo much better on my 6th cycle. I still can't believe that I never had a fever through that infection I thouhgt i'd be in the hospital for sure. My blood seems to be recovering from the chemo fast these days within 8 days of my last chemo my blood counts were good and I think that's fast. That's most likely what saved me from spending a few nights in the hospital with infection way to go blood. Man oh man Oct 20 2009 I was diagnosed with the big C it seems like yesterday easily the worst day of my life... But better thing are to come and have been coming now we just got to cure this dam thing or remiss it for ever call it what you want just don't come back!!!

This beautiful weather we've had in the last few days has been awesome! What a pick me up to have this weather so early in march already... I was swinging my golf clubs off the snow covered ground carefully sending snow divots into the nieghbors yards! Hey I got cancer so they won't yell at me right? I so can't wait to golf it's my favourite thing to do other then hanging with the kids and wife.

See you all!

Well It looks like lucky 7!!!

2010-03-04T16:46:00.000-08:00

Well basically I have to do a 7th chemo. It's not that the CAT scan was bad it was quite the oppisite. The CAT scan came back as a very favourable response to chemo! That's good! My lymphnode under my left armpit shrunk from 5.5cm to about 2cm this is good. The nodes in my abdomen that were slighty swollen before chem they didn't even measure becsause they were good. Basically the normal procedure is they do the CAT scan after chemo 4 and whatever your lymphnodes measure after chemo 4 they then use to compare when they measure after chemo 6 if the nodes measure the same after six as they did after 4 then you're considered in remission. Basically when they're sure the chemo won't shrink your nodes anymore you are done. Now since I couldn't get my CAT scan until my 5th chemo I have to do the seventh chemo and do the CAT scan after seventh. If the chemo is still shrinking my nodes after seven then I'll have to do an 8th. They suspect 2cm is about as small as they will get it. Dr. Donahue who I seen today was very thorough and quite positive. She told me they are working towards a CURE for me... This was exciting for me to hear the doc talk with so much enthusiasm. You're not going to hear me argue with such a bold strong statement. So although I'd rather be done after 6 the news has been good so I'll take it and do 7 thank you God!

I just wanted to take a second to thank all of you who read and comment on my blog I love to hear from you all so keep on writing. I did a quick calculation and I have well over a hundred followers on my blog and that's exciting in it's own right. Freinds and family I couldn't do it without your prayers and good wishes. I've been involved so much in the self help groups and met so many people with this crazy diease it's really sad when you think how many of us there are... I have had the pleasure to spend lots of time hanging out with them chatting with them through email even getting my butt kicked in table tennis by one of them. They have helped me sooooooooooooooooo much in understanding my thoughts and feelings and concerns I have. You'd think us cancer survivors wouldn't have such a good humor as we do have. This week I did the art therapy and yoga I missed my Reiki but oh well there is always next week. On march 30th "stupid cancer" is back in london this a group for young people with cancer. We'll be bowling at the palasad it should be amazing like the last one!!! So if you are under 40 and live in southwestern ontario come out and bowl with us or email me and I'll tell you how to get there!!!

Thank you to my 3 girls Jen,Marissa, and Mikayla as long as you're here daddy will fight the fight because life is always worth living. Also you're all so darn cute!!!!!!

Tooth infection and chemo are no good!

2010-02-28T17:30:00.000-08:00

Well on Saturday the 20th of feb I woke up with toothache by the time saturday afternoon nap was over the pain was unbearable. My wife called the emergency dental but they were closing at five and weren't willing to stay late (fucking nice eh!). So off to urgent care I went I waited only an hour or so and they had me in to see a doctor which was good because I heard some people say they had been there over 3 hrs but I did tell the triage nurse I was on chemo so that helped. The doc said he couldn't tell if there was infection but that most likely it was infected. He gave me some Penicillin and tylenol 3's. I filled the prescriptions and started popping pills saturday night. The pain actually worsened by sunday and man I mean constant pain. Monday I had went to my dentist he had a look and said it was an infection and that I had 2 options root canal or remove the tooth. I needed to get the okay from the cancer center doctors to do anything. In the meantime my infection was swelling rather quickly by monday night my face had balooned out. I called the oncall hemotologist but as long as there was no fever they told me to wait it out. Tuesday morning my face was huge but they didn't want me to come in unless I had a fever. Finally after about my fourth call that day with a few from my wife they agreed to have me come in and check my blood. I had my blood taken and then the nurse came out to see me and I could tell she was surprised at my face. 5 mins later the hemotologist was out she took one look at my face and was like you need to be admitted. I was like thats why I've been calling for the last 2 days. She examined me and by then had gotten my bloodwork back which was good already. So now she wasn't so worried out my infection but said it needed to be cleaned up before my next chemo. She sent me to the dental clinic right in the hospital where they examined me. Dr Karla squeezed some of the infection out OUCH! but that did give me immediate relief. I had 2 options a root canal or tooth removal. She told me they recommend the tooth being pulled because a root canal there is a chance that some infection could be left over. Left over infection would be no good and if I started my chemo with some infection left over in my mouth it could explode into my body when my blood counts are down. So I decided no chances and after all it's just a tooth. So on friday they yanked her out.

Otherwise I've been very tired through this last chemo. I've done alot of sleeping which is ok because my body has enjoyed all the sleep. Let's keep are fingers crossed that this will be my final chemo. I'm getting tired of this chemo crap but I'll do what it takes.

I'd like to send my prayers to are friend that lost his mother to cancer last week. I send out my deepest smypathies to you and your family.

Chemo # 5

2010-02-14T13:46:00.000-08:00

Well an exciting week for my blog and I as we were added to the i2y.com stupid cancer blogroll. This gives all the users of this website access to my blog. It's almost like it's published pretty cool eh! i2y.com is a pretty cool website it's worth a look... Jolaine I do feel more at peace and ease these days although this week was up and down again. Jen my attitude stays strong because of my wife and kids. Stephanie you were so funny at Erin's last night but I hope your morning wasn't to hard today. Jewel you and Jen playing taboo together is not fair I mean you know the color of each others underwear. Jen your saltwater gargle worked with my sore tooth thanks so much!!! Surprise!!! Erin a devoted commenter to my blog and friend of my wife and I had her dirty 30th bday last night... When she came through the door she was mauled by my wife and Stephanie. Erin nearly peed her pants. Oh well maybe your 40th the bladder won't be so strong and you'll pee then lol. We had a great time you were so funny at the party and you seemed pumped up and I made it to 1:00 am not bad for a guy who had chemo the day before!

Chemo # 5 went off with a bang on friday. I felt pretty energetic after my chemo and was able to go out and do some chores right after with Jen. We picked the girls up at my brothers and I came home for a nap. After my nap and for the first time since doing chemo I didn't feel well. I thought I was going to puke... I got a little nasty and I was able to fight it off with the help of my antinausea meds. I didn't sleep at all friday night but that was ok I was able to watch the not so good opening ceremonies for the olympics. I popped my prednisone on Saturday morning and slept most of saturday during the day. Aunt Lisa came down with Kelsey and Jacklynn to watch the girls so Jen and I could goto Erin's surprise 30th party sat night.

Dr Loman who I seen at the clinic on thursday kinda rubbed me the wrong way. He's a retired Oncologist how helps out at the clinics on thursday because unfortunately the clinics are so busy they need all the help they can get. He kept referring to my cancer a uncureable which I KNOW IT IS! When I asked about a PET Scan he told me unless I was going to pay for it he wouldn't order it. He told me because I have a incureable cancer that this scan wasn't necessary. I do agree to some extent with this because it doesn't tell me nothing as to if I'll ever relapse but it does give me a peace of mind. But he's an old school doc no use arguing with him I'll wait for Dr Chin-yee and try again he's more reasonable. If not I'll pay for the friggin thing myself. My CAT scan is set for feb 17th and the docs are 85% sure I'll only need on more chemo so that's good I think my body needs a rest from the chemo.

I'm starting to think about life after chemo. I guess I need to think about going back to work. This for me should be an easy transition I have a great partner in Dennis which will make it easy for me. I was able to have a nice visit with him last week. I still want to be able goto wellspring to make use of all there fine programs. I've also want to continue talk and see all my cancer buddies who helped me greatly through this journey. I worry a bit about my stamina because I don't have any right now but I'm sure it'll come back although it'll be slowly. Of course my diet and excercise will have to jumo to the forefront. Know more chemo eating but who cares I'm alive and doing well!!!

I've become addicted to reading other peoples blogs with cancer. Some of them are really well done and truly inspiring writings. I find peace in reading all the crap these people go through and all the positive vibes they still give up is amazing. I realized cancer hasn't ruined my life it has been a wake up call for me. I always considered myself a guy who lived life day by day. Then cancer came and now I live day by day. I learned what's important I get it and for that I feel lucky. The problem is when you learn this you want to even live longer because you simplfy life after cancer. When you have cancer you don't have a clue how long you'll be around. That's the irony of the whole thing you want to live but how long will I be around is the question. I believe I still have alot of time to make my mark on this planet. This is important to me because I want to instill my values on my girls. They are my world my light and my energy. For them I'll live my life to it's fullest not feeling sorry for myself but appreciative for the time I have with them. Of course my wife who holds the family together right now while I fight the fight. She kinda gets the tireless job of taking care of us all thank-you honey!

Keep on Trucking!

2010-02-05T09:50:00.000-08:00

Well I've continue to learn more and more about cancer as I progress in my cancer journey. The more I educate myself about follicular non hodgkins lymphoma the more I'm confused if that makes any sense... I had a needle biopsy done on my armpit. The doctor that did the biopsy said that he removed lots of the lymphnode and was confident that pathology would have plenty for an accurate diagnosis. I have been told that I should have had a surgery and had part of my lymphnode removed and pathology could have given me a more accurate diagnosis. So I was a litte concerned about that at first. Of course I've learned that London pathology read me as a grade 3a most likely to act indolent. B.C. pathology where I sent my slides from the biopsy for a second opinion read me as a grade 2. So I was confused on 2 different opinions. I've since learned that in 2008 the world health organization changed the grading system from grades 1,2,3 to 1,2,3a,3b. The B.C. pathology using the older grading system still and London pathology using the newer system. So what this all means basically is that if London was still using the old system I would most likely be a 2. But the newer system has some other variables that classfies me as a 3a. Now I've come to learn after listening to the top follicular non hodgkins doctor out of chicago. She's another one of these doctors that only studies follicular non hodgkins lymphoma and she says that really patients should have more then one lymphnode biopsied because quite often the cancer is different grades in different areas throughout the lymphatic system. Meaning I might be a grade 3 on my left side but a 1 or 2 on my right side.... This is a reason why they have such a hard time predicting relapses. Basically what this all means is that I won't know much of anything until I relapse if I ever relapse. I'm hoping that I never relapse... I had so many emails sent to me on my facebook group alot from people who are 10-12 yrs down the road that haven't relapsed. Also emails from people that have relapsed and have went through treatments again and are doing just fine... So I'm not fearing relapsing as much as you would think... I'm hoping if I relapse at all it's at least 10 yrs down the road.

My precious Marissa turned 4 recently... It feels like just the other day I was watching my wife give birth to her. She was this tiny little thing with her eyes wide open. I got to give the first bottle to her that night! She loved opening her gifts and we had a nice quieter then usual birthday party.

I've had the pleasure of meeting many new people along the way. Most of them diagnosed with cancer... I've been able to spend time talking with them about how to survive cancer. The post diagnosis worries and emotions although not always the same are very similar. I haven't been spending as much time at wellsprings lately as I was. The programs are filling up fast and sometimes hard to get in if you don't sign up early. But I do have a good base support of friends dealing with cancers that I feel I can talk or hang with them whenever. I'm hoping that the stupid cancer group will continue to meet because that was a neat experience.

Next Friday is my 5th cycle of chemo already WOW!. The week after I have my CAT scan. I feel these next 2 weeks are huge... the CAT scan will hopefully confirm what I believe that the chemo is working and working well. The CAT scan cannot tell me that all the cancer is gone. Only a PET scan can tell me that so it's time to start pushing the doctor for that. That is done after the chemo! The PET scan in some ways when I think about it is insignificant... Because it doesn't do anything in terms of predicting relapses but I think it'll give me a peace of mind. Which is good thing to have when you have cancer so bring on the PET scan.

I would like to thank you all for the nice comments I recieved on my last post. It was nice to hear from all the "Stupid Cancer" people. Your organization is amazing and fills a void left for young people with cancer. Tara if you need any help with the next one email me and I'll do my best! Thanks to Under The Volcano Restaurant for hosting the event.

Amazing Times!

2010-01-28T18:51:00.000-08:00

Well it's been awhile since I've written and I hope I'm not losing you all. Kim thanks for the bday wishes. Steph and Erin you guys are too funny thanks again and again for all your help and friendships. Derek let me say Mark will get some razzing over his night of drinking.

I had my 4th cycle of chemo. My mother in law was there for this one. I wasn't much entertainment for her as I slept through most of this one. She did get to witness the nurse miss my vein with the first IV the next one she put in started to bleed. She actually changed a part the IV and it solved the problem not after some blood squirted at her. When I was recieving the chemo this time I really felt like I was being poisoned. Even though I had no nausea and feel relatively good I have this mental thingy going on of being poisoned. I seen another oncologist from Dr Chin-yee's team. I believe his name was doctor Logan he felt my armpit and told me they're very happy with how my lymphoma is responding to the chemo. He said there was only a little spot left in my armpit and he wasn't sure if was even lymphoma. He thought it just may be scar tissue filling in for the lymphoma that is most likely gone. So I'm hoping 6 cycles will be enough for me but I'll have to wait for my CAT scan.

Lastly I have had one of the most amazing weeks of my life. Since I've been diagnosed with cancer my life has been a whrilwind of ups and downs. I've had unbelievable support from are families and friends. Seriously I can't believe the things you all have done the prayers the kindness,generousity,and love. The support I recieve from wellsprings the cancer support centre here in London has been huge for me. The excellent care from all the doctors and nurses at the london cancer clinc. Even with all this support I was scared,confused,angry,and every other emotion that comes with this horrible diease. But things changed for me forever on Monday Jan 25th I had just finished my peer support group and was at the wellsprings centre. I looked over and one of the girls in my peer support group was waving at me excitedly to come over. She was standing in front of a bulletin board pointing at a leaflet. It said, "stupid cancer" a group for young people with cancer. They were having a get together tuesday night at a restaurant in London at 6:00. My friend and I decided we'd go. Little did we know that Stupid cancer was a fairly big organization that was started in the U.S I'm not sure how many years ago. But they have 37 chapters in the US just for support with young people with cancer. Tuesday was the first time this group was in Canada and London of all places. So I show up at 6 and there is a private room in the back for the group. People start to show up and we mingle a bit. I think there was roughly 14 or 15 young adults that showed up from london,toronto,kitchener,and windsor. The organizer had us all sit at the table she gave us a brief intro to what stupid cancer was and then invited us all one by one to tell our stories with each other. One by one these people told there stories and they were amazing and inspiring. I was amazed a how grateful these people were to live life considering some of them are terminal,some are relapsing and some are cured. It was nice to here young people with the same concerns that I had. The only thing I don't get from wellsprings is the younger point of view on how to deal with cancer. Some of there stories were heartbreaking. One young man told me how do ask a girl on a date but I might not be around in a few years, let alone if you want to have children. Or how about being diagnosed with cancer at 23 and sleeping everynight in your mothers bed for a year because you're afraid you won't wake up. How about being diagnosed in your mid twenties with an extremely rare cancer that they have no protocol for. So basically you have to tell the doctors how to care for you because they don't know what to do. These kind of stories came from each persons mouth yet they smiled and had fun and were so positive. I stayed out till 1am listening to stories and exchanged #'s and made some friends. When I left there I wasn't scared of cancer anymore and some of my biggest fears were gone. This isn't to say I don't have fears because I do it's just different now. I've grown and have a greater appreciation for life even more then before. I'm have no idea how often this group will meet but I'll be there and will support anyone of these people.

Tonight I ate 2 full onions pickled in vinegar, followed by a half a pineapple, sunflower seeds, 3 glasses of lemonade before bed. Thanks Jen for the lasagna and mom for coming to wellsprings with me.

Surprise!!!

2010-01-17T18:05:00.000-08:00

Jolaine I agree I do look good and I am doing well and I'm thankful for that. Colleen I think Chico is absolutely right I will make it. I think it is neat that your son has the same bday. I hope everthing works out for him also. Erin I have a positive attitude because many people like yourselves that give your time,love, and prayers to my family. Jen thanks for going above and beyond to organize a little surprise for me in windsor it was great fun. Jolaine and Duke thanks for letting us party at your house. Linda if I was in a wheelchair I'd be at the golf trip that's how much fun I have on that trip. Thanks to all the golf trip guys for showing up at the party. Linda it was nice to see you there! It was great to see al of you at the party... Cathy I agree the best part about doing my stickers was I didn't make a decision because of my cancer that was cool! Thanks for the birthday wishes Craig,BJ,Victoria and Katie. Yes we need to get together or my wife will start harassing you.

Well this week was busy busy. Thursday Morning for my birthday my neighbour Derek took me out for breakfast at the malibu and it was fantastic. Derek and I could talk until breakfast the next day no problem. We never shut up and enjoy talking and sharing stories with each other. Then for lunch myself,mom, and the girls met Jen for lunch at work. We had a nice lunch and mom picked up the bill. Thanks mom! Later that night we had friends and family over for supper wow what a great day! On friday my work partner Dennis picked me up and brought me out for lunch at hooks. Dennis and I also have the gift of gab it was nice to see him. Dennis I'll be back slugging it out with you soon... Thanks for lunch! Friday night we left for windsor. I went out for lunch with my wife on Saturday and came back to my parents for a afternoon nap. When I woke up we had pizza and headed over to my sisters for cake and cupcakes. Little did I know there was friends and family gathered for a little surprise party. I was so not expecting this. It was so nice to see all of you. I haven't seen alot of you's since my diagnosis. So we sat around and ate and told stories and had lots of good laughs. Thanks to everyone for the cards and lottery tickets and gift cards so not necessary but appreciated. I stayed up to 1:00am pretty good for me. Sunday was off to Chatham to pick up my mother in law so she can babysit me this week lol.

Otherwise I feel great pyhsically and mentally. I have my peer support group on monday. But I don't think I have any other things going on at wellsprings this week. I might give meditation a shot this week again. My butt doesn't feel as lethal this week. My appointment with Dr. Chin-yee is thrusday and chemo # 4 is on the friday already. A big happy birthday to my sister in law and dad who's birthdays are monday and tuesday this week. Young people with cancer is a support group that I think I'm going to join. I took the phone number off a pamphlet at wellsprings. They have conferences and support groups also it looks kind of neat. Also I want to say happy bday to Jack we missed his 4th bday while we were in windsor. I suspect Jack made out alright in the gift department. Could I be right Steph?

This week feels very normal!

2010-01-12T17:30:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Jennifer my wife for all your encouragement and help. Steph thanks for the info on my pickle obsession. Apparently I eat the pickles to make up for my Iron deficiency so that explains things. Erin I couldn't agree more with you this is my year... Jewel I think you're coming over for dinner thrusday so I'll see you then but no Eric this time oh well! Jennifer if you ever want to make me some more lasangna that would be great. Also a big thanks to Kim for making the shepards pie for us this week it was so yummy. Also a prayer for a friend who lost her father recently Jen and I send our love!

Well Jan 14th is my 38th birthday and my first with cancer. I never thought I'd be talking about cancer at 38 let alone through 3 cycles of chemo already. Sometimes this whole thing doesn't feel real. Unfortunately it is very real. But not is all bad I continue to feel great and very optimistic. Today I renewed my stickers for 2 years on my van and as I walked out I realized I never thought about if I'd be around in 2 years. When she asked me if I wanted to renew I said 2 years and never thought about it. 2 Months earlier I would have thought about it for a bit. I'm not sure how long the van will be around but I'll outlast that thing. I had my weelsprings peer support group on monday and the more I go the more I realize I'm going to miss this group when they are gone. I believe we will continue to gather as a group at the local coffee shops around the city hopefully once a week for awhile. The big day is feb 17th for the Cat scan which I mentioned in the last blog. They'll be able to measure my tumor and I'll have an idea how much more chemo I'll do. Jan 21st I have my next appointment with Dr chin-yee and the next day I do my 4th cycle of chemo already. For now I just continue on like life is normal I have a plan to fly out to see my brother in Vancouver in the spring as well as my golf trip. My Marissa has her 4th bday on Jan 31st already wow. Life flows so fast sometimes I just want to throw on the brakes. Eventually I'll have to start thinking about going back to work which I look forward to. My mom is here this week watching the girls as my mother in law gets a break. Did alitte ice skating on my brothers homemade icerink this week and I officially have no stamina.

Have a great week everyone!

Happy New Year!

2010-01-05T15:48:00.001-08:00

Well a BIG thanks to my wife for all her support throughout are crazy last few months you are my true love. Erin thanks for the new years eve bash with the kids it was great. Jolaine it was great to have you at chemo even though I slept the whole time. B&B thanks for all the help I don't know how we'd do it without you! Colleen & Chico I'm glad to hear you're in florida with 2 of my favourite people Shannon and Bev. Never too late to learn some good old golfing I say.

I'm happy to say that round 3 of chemo has no signs of nausea again. But I notice that my energy level is way down. I hate to say it but chemo is tiring me out. I'm more like a sprinter now I can go hard for 2 or 3 hours then I need a nap. So that's a bit frustrating for me but these aren't huge obstacles it's just the way it is. I'm trying to write more in my blog but I've been to tired to write most nights. I have a CAT scan scheduled for Feb 17th so this will give me the first real indication of just how much my tumor has shrunk throughout this chemo treatment. So mark that on your calender... I also forgot to take my prednisone one morning and it screwed up my sleep for a few days. One very heartbreaking thing for me is that food is tasting wierd for me lately. I told the wife last night that foods aren't tasting the same as they used to this is a true bummer to me. Pickles still taste good as well as cuccumber and vineager. I went to my support group on Monday which was great I missed the group over the holiday. When the facilitator tolds us we only had 3 weeks left with the group I started to panic. All I thought was who am I going to speak with after they're gone. Then the facilitator said unless you want to exchange #'s and still meet. I piped up like a desperate puppy and said I will, I will... Thank god everyone else seemed excited to continue. There is just something calming about talking to someone that is going what you're going through. This group has reallllllllllllllllly helped me and they don't even know it. I have my first reiki this week so I'm excited for this. Also more meditation and theraputic touch this week. I had a very positive holidays there were ups and downs but more then ever cancer has picked the wrong fight! Thanks for the book dad I've just browsed through it for now but will read it.

I've been a bit spoiled over the holidays with a new laptop and a blackberry for myself. I also had 2 very fun poker nights over the holidays. Thanks Felice and Kent for letting us use your houses.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-30T16:37:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas has come and gone and this year was a special one. There were mixed emotions. The highs were watching my girls enjoy opening gifts and being spoiled at christmas. Spending time with my family and friends alot who I haven't seen since my diagnosis. Food!!! Oh my god tons of food everywhere I turned. My health throughout the chemo so far is excellent! Lows are the uncertainty of my future health and what will transpire after my chemo is done. These are the hardest things for me to deal with at this time. I feel very comfortable with the care I receive and there is a safety blanket for me while I do my chemo. Even though I'll be watched frequently after chemo I feel like I'll have lost my security. This a bit scary to me but there is the reality I may have to go down this road again. Because of this I need to be healthier and stronger then I was before and I will be. My greatest fear is that I would get so sick that I couldn't get out of bed and my young girls would watch there father suffer. I don't want my girls at such a young age to watch there father suffer because they wouldn't understand what was wrong. I don't beleive that I'm anywhere near that but it haunts me somedays! I'm truly not scared to suffer or die but I just want to watch my girls grow!

Anyhow today was the start of my 3rd cycle of chemo can you believe it? My sister came to this chemo treatment. It was nice to have her she's my only sister and I love her and look up to her so much because she is so strong. It sounds weird to say I look up to her because I'm the older brother but I'm so proud of her she's a good person with a beautiful family. This time felt so fast it felt like I laid in the bed and 15 minutes later I was out. I think I started at 8:45am and was out just after Noon. So not to bad at all!!! My chest x-ray came back negative so that was good it looks like it is just the common cold and cough after all. I don't expect any nausea again but I do think I will be much more tired throughout the rest of the chemo which is fine. Sleeping is something I enjoy and will take advantage of it. So keep your fingers crossed hopefully no barfing for yours truly.

I did some fun things throughout the holidays I played poker at a friends on the 27th and came out 35 bucks ahead so that's good. I was out to past 3am. Because I don't drink while I'm on chemo so I've become a good designated driver which is fine. So I loaded up the mini van and drove everyone home. Highlighted by pulling over at around 3:30 am so my brother could jump out and throw up all over the driveway of some swanky riverside drive house. Followed up with " well that should freeze up nicely!" I was able to talk to Dennis my work partner he keeps me up to date with work which is nice. I miss those guys they're a hoot. Rob my long time school buddy called and we had a nice talk. It's wierd we don't talk much but when we do it's like old times. There's nothing but well wishes for each other it's so nice! I just want to apologize for not responding to some of my emails sent to my gmail account. I hadn't been checking and alot of people sent me nice emails that I didn't know about. But now it is my primary email and I check everyday. So send me emails at jmaisonville@gmail.com. I have a new computer and a blackberry that I check all the time now so generally I'll respond quick!!!

Colleen And Chico you must have some connections in the ornament making business if you could find a fart ornament. Linda I might stop over to see you and Mike if I get down in the next couple of weeks to drop off my money for the golf trip. I hope you guys had a good christmas? Erin I think about you guys alot through the holidays because you travel alot like us and I'm glad you had a safe holidays. I hear the boys were sick poor mommy Erin had to take care of her boys and I'm talking about Todd too!!! LOL

Twas the night before christmas!

2009-12-24T19:56:00.000-08:00

I think the wacky wednesday fart story was a hit with everyone. I could write a book on my fart stories I think my wife would agree. I haven't written in awhile because I've been so darn busy! But it's christmas eve and this is always been a special time for me... I love christmas my mother and father always made christmas a special time for us. I'm really looking forward to the morning with the kids. Marissa is beyond excited for santa to come... Mikayla is excited also but doesn't understand what's coming in the morning. After gifts We'll be off to see family and friends for the next couple of days. We also had a great dinner with my brother and sister in law and the kids at there house for christmas eve... Maybe we've started a tradition? No pressure guys!

Well I had my appointment with Dr Chin-Yee on wednesday. He felt my lump and said it was down considerably since last visit. I asked him about a cat scan to see just how much my tumor has shrunk. He said in about 6 more weeks we'll have the cat scan to measure it again. I was also concerned about my cough I've had since about a week after I started chemo. He asked me alot of questions about my cough. He thought it almost sounded like an allergic reaction to the drugs. Which he says can happen with some chemo treatments. But he says he's never had this with the chemo I'm receiving. So he sent me for a chest x-ray right after I was done with him. No results yet though. My next chemo is 8:15 am dec 30th and I'm ready to go because my blood work is all good. I only visited wellsprings once since the fart. Not because I'm embarassed but because I was to busy. But i did do theraputic touch on wednesday. Also did peer support on minday and let me just say I've met some amazing people. I hope we can stay in contact after the group after the 8 weeks is over. I thought they would have repainted the meditation room and thrown out the old furniture... But I peaked in the room and it's all still there. Other then the cough still no nausea or sickness so that's all good. The trip to windsor was quite fun I even stayed out to the wee hours of the morning. I slept like a baby that night at my parents house. I had a wake up call from Mariola and my uncle Turk just like the old days!!!

Just wanted to say hi to an old buddy Steve. Steve I will be in windsor so call my parents or I still remember your parents #. Thank you to my wife I know times are tough but we'll get through this we always do. Colleen let me know if you can find a fart ornament. Bev you're telling me that farts get harder to control as you get older oh man my poor wife. Craig and BJ we would like to meet miss victoria soon!!! Turk thanks for the wake up call friday morning that was awesome! Erin I hope you didn't do one of those snorty pig laughs after you read my blog that's almost as bad as my fart. Christine for some reason I knew you would have a fart story... Poor Mr. Gubbs! Cathy you're right the whole body fart thing is messed up but makes for some funny stories. Jen I'm the blessed one to have a wonderful family that I have it truly makes everything so much easier. Thanks for the wonderful dinner tonight.

Lastly I want to thank everyone for there encouragement and prayers throughout this difficult year for me. You'll never know how much I appreciate all off this. A special thanks to Brenda and my Mom&Dad for coming down through the week to watch the girls so I can take care of myself mentally and physically. I know it's not always easy watch the girls while I take off to do my thing. Also my wife who has to put up with my moodiness which isn't easy because I was perfect before I got cancer right honey? Love you guys! Merry Christmas everyone and to all a goodnight!

2009-12-19T17:46:00.000-08:00

Wacky Wednesday!

2009-12-16T17:12:00.000-08:00

Steph you're pretty swift unlocking the cuccumber and vinegar mystery (pickles). Tina I just know I will run into Rob at the spits game thursday. Jolaine we will see you for sure... Us 4 kids make a heck of a family don't we? I always love being around my Brothers and Sister you guys rock!!! Colleen A big thanks to yourself and Chico for supporting us through all this. Linda that story about Jeff is sooooooooo funny. I had completely forgotten about that. After reading your comment it all came back but seriously sending the kid to bed with a piece of tape Mike must of thought of that one. Lisa I think your ginger root may of helped with the prednisone to... Dano you will have some serious fun doing the 12 bars of christmas. I wonder if you be thirsty the next morning and yes Cooper is moving today so he will virtually be your neighbor. Wendy I have a costco card if you ever need pickles. Erin the support groups out there are a saviour and were lucky because London has alot of them. I completely recommend them for anyone who has cancer or has a family member with cancer. You and Todd are awesome the support my wife and I recieved from you guys will never be forgotten! I think Todd would look sexy with the pink hair... Derek milk has been steady throughout the whole process you are a dedicated reader. Yes I'm sure we have a bunch of I owe yous to our wives. Leslie I'm glad you're in on the blog now. Feel free to stalk me I've never had my very own stalker!!!

Well Mikaylas favourite book to read right now is Wacky Wednesday! So keeping up with that theme today was just that " Wacky Wednesday". I went to meditation at wellspring at 10:30 and like I always do I embarassed myself. I've had a tickley dry cough and wasn't sure if I should go because I didn't want to cough while people were trying to meditate. But I said ahhh you'll be fine.... So were in this 15 by 15 room jammed with couches and I'd say there are 10 or so people. We're 10 to 15 minutes into meditation and I feel the tickle in the back of my throat. So I'm fighting it desperately trying not to cough. I'm torturing myself trying not to cough until finally I just have to cough. So i kinda do this cough thing and out pops a fart at the same time... The cough was so loud that it muzzled the sound of the fart a little. Unfortunately it didn't muzzle the smell of the fart... As my wife says chemo farts are nasty! So the poor lady beside me was hung out to dry. Well the whole room was in bad shape. I think the paint was peeling off the walls. I was mortified and just shut my eyes and tried to meditate but not working very well. No where to run or hide and no one to blame... So I guess I'm finding meditation stressful instead of relaxing. I'll try again next week it couldn't get worse. Everyone in the room acted like nothing happen.... Then I got in the car and had a few things I had to pick up and then back to wellsprings for theraputic touch. Theraputic touch went as well as the first time it was so calming I think I'm going to sleep good tonight. Then back out to find a freaking parking ticket on my vehicle. Just bloody great!!! The ticket said I was parked there from 11:10 am until 2:30 pm which was true other then the fact that I left for an hour in between... So I guess I'll fight that in court... Wacky wednesday!!!

I had to laugh the other day I gave Marissa a piece of gum! I've never seen anyone enjoy a piece of gum like that well maybe other then my nephew Noah! When she has gum in her mouth as she chews it she has this smile on her face. Even a half hour later she's still chewing on it and has a huge proud smile on her face enjoying every chomp! So every time I have a piece of gum I laugh because I think of her and Noah... I'm off to Windsor tommorrow for the big game with my brother and then Pizza to follow. Right mom and dad? I'm kinda trying to make my blog a bit nicer. You'll start to see more pics maybe some video and slide shows and other fancy things you all might enjoy... Thanks for reading and goodnight!!!

Yours truly the Farter!

Monday Monday!

2009-12-14T17:57:00.000-08:00

Well my dad called to say that his cousin Chico is having a mass or a prayer said for me in mexico... So that's pretty cool!!! Prayers around the world how awesome is that? I wish I knew some spanish other then the Dora the explora spanish. Dad and Mom thanks for your support and all your positive support and help. B&B always so supportive and helping me take the beast on... Of course watching the little ones. Erin I love that you follow and always comment you're great! Jewel & little Eric are becoming little fixtures in the Maisonville house.

Today I went to the wellsprings to my peer group meeting. It was awesome I wish I could talk more about it but it is confidential. The people are positive and awesome and so supportive. I am losing hair in some odd places on the body. All the hair on my belly has pretty much fallen out. But the hair on my upper chest is all still there and I look like a crazy circus freak. I shaved my face last monday and now my facial hair won't grow back. My wife is disappointed because she likes my goatee but after a week of not shaving there's no goatee coming back. She's says I look like a molester without my goatee. Sorry honey I guess it's Lester the molester for awhile. My cravings are picking back up although not so much for pickles anymore. Newly added cravings include, Fruit loop, Regular fritos,Cuccumbers in vineager,oatmeal, all fruit, Summer sausage, milk. I'm obsessive when a certain flavor taste good in my mouth. I bought some regular Hubba Bubba gum on the way downtown yesterday I had chewed and spit out all 5 pieces before I got downtown. So I stopped and had bought another 2 packs because I had to have the flavor. I bought some spearmint halls and ate 2 of the 3 packs in about a half hour and then went onto chew a big pack of sunflower seeds. They could make a movie out of my eating a freaky hairloss. I feel like a hillbilly inbred from that movie wrong turn...

Ok so I have theraputic touch and meditation on Wednesday and I'm going to work thursday for a bit and a Windsor Spitfire game Thursday night in Windsor. I will stay the night in Windsor and hopefully see a few people when I'm there. Roma Pizza will be something I need to have when I'm in windsor. I haven't been to windsor since my diagnosis and that's my hometown so that will be special. A huge part of my support is in windsor so it'll be nice to be back although it'll be a brief visit. Sometimes I get chemo brain so if I forget to thank someone or told you something twice or slightly different just shake it off. Jen actually goes out in the middle of night to get stuff for me or fetches my drinks without a complaint because of my sickness. So not all is bad when you have cancer. Oneday when my doctor tells me I'm in remission I'll have to run for my dear life from my wife because I'll owe her a few...

Well Christmas is close and I'm so excited for the girls and there christmas. They really got a grip on it this year and are so excited for Santa as am I. Christmas has always been my favourite time of year I love the music, gifts, Baby Jesus. I love it all so hopefully my spirits will stay high through christmas and it will feel as normal as it possibly could. I don't feel like I have the ups and downs I had when first diagnosed. I feel like life has taken crappy turn but I still feel so lucky and blessed for all I got. At the end of the day that is the way I feel so bring christmas on and lets celebrate! And food at christmas yummy!

Crazy Cancer!

2009-12-12T07:40:00.000-08:00

Dano M nice to hear from you hope all is well with the diabetes. Jewel & Eric have fun at hockey today I didn't sleep well last night so I'm going to stay home and sleep... Erin your not addicted as long as you continue to take care of the kids which I know you're good at.

Well yesterday was one of those days that just explains how tough sometimes cancer can be. Things go so well during the day and then nightime was a rough one for me. Health wise I feel great through the chemo and I'm very thankful for that. I think I feel better through this round then I did in my last. One side effect this time is hair loss. My facial hair is growing back like an old man. My chest hair is patchy and thinned out and the hair on my head is even less. I really don't find this a big deal at all. Just thought it was interesting to see the drugs working now and causing some side effects. The predinsone didn't seem to effect me like the first cycle either not sure if the ginger root I took this time helped relieve the symptons or if therapuetic touch or meditation helped with the sleeping. Overall very happy with the second cycle of chemo.

I went to Wellspring at 10:30 for some meditation to help with relaxation it was my first time so I was a bit nervous. Most of these people have cancer or are cured so it's nice to hang out with people who are cured or surviving. I was there early and met a lady we talked for about 10 minutes about having cancer she is now cured. Her story was funny she said that she was diagnosed with cancer and had 7 opinions before the 7th doctor told her she needs to face the truth and go get treated. She is a self described health nut and has never been sick a day in her life. When she went in for treatment she felt great and couldn't believe she was there. I know how she felt because other then this stupid lump I've felt great through this whole thing. Anyways people started coming in the room in the back for the meditation I figure there was about 10 of us. They tell me this was much less then they usually get. The room was packed... so that means standing room usually so I'll have to get there early. The lady leading the meditation was great I'm a first timer so she explained everything and how it would go. Didn't realize how hard it was to meditate. To stay in one spot for such along time and not to move or say nothing is not my thing. But I'll have to work on it because I did enjoy the challenge. I didn't realize how spiritual the meditation is. I always thought you just tried to think about nothing and relax your body which is part of it to. I've got alot to learn and am along way from competing with the monks. I do kinda look like one though. Anyone want to buy me an orange wrobe for christmas. Maybe I could meditate with a pickle in my mouth.

Then I went out to work to see the guys. These guys are the best were just like a family. You could be on your death bed and walk in there and they make you feel good. I miss the jokes and the challenge of work and the fast pace... But I need to be home mentally healing right now and don't feel guilty about being away from work. Just wanted to make sure they were doing a good job as they always do. Sometimes us autoworkers get a bad wrap. But if people could see the situations that were put in and the things these toolmakers repair when these machines need to run you'd all be impressed. Lots of skill there trust me!

Later Jen got the kids off to bed and ran out to the grocery store to get me some fritos. What a great wife! We laid in bed to watch a movie which was nice since we haven't had much time to relax since the diagnoses. About an hour into the movie I passed out. Marissa snuck in are room around 1:30 am and woke me up. I was a bit stuffed up and wide awake so I just took my pumpkin head and moved on downstairs. As I sat alone bored I started to get mad at this cancer I was pissed and not happy with why this was happening to me. Just sat and reflected and alot of good and bad things run through my head. I can't believe that many thoughts can run through your head in a short time. This is the way some nights go and I understand that I don't get to worried about it. About 4:30 am I hear Mikayla calling Daddy Daddy! This is unusual she's a good sleeper and hardly ever wakes up. I run upstairs and jump into bed with her and take her in my arms. This is what daddy's do and this is what I'm good at. I begin to think this is what little girls need. They need there daddy's to hug them in the middle of the night to keep them safe to comfort them. That's what I do and I'm good at. How dare this cancer try and take this away from my girls makes me sick to my stomach! They deserve to grow up with a mom and dad. That's why I write this so they know if things ever take a turn for the worse they will always be loved. I cry for a bit while I lay beside Mikayla give her lots of hugs and kisses. She's already sleeping because shes so comfy with daddy. I stare at her beauty for a bit just amazed at how we created such a beauty. I think for awhile about Marissa she's just another beauty. She's my little salesmen always trying to sell me a line of crap to get what she wants. She's great at it and I love playing the game with her she always makes me laugh. So now I'm laying in bed laughing thinking about how funny my girls are and what little stinkers they can be... I have alot to be thankful for!

I want to thank miss Sarah the girls daycare teacher for dropping off gifts for the girls. They each got a barbie which they haven't put down since they received them. They polished off the candy to!

My pumpkin head is back!

2009-12-09T14:26:00.001-08:00

Well Derek thanks for your encouragement I just think positive is the only way to go. Jen you are my beautiful wife that gave me those 2 little girls man there is nothing we have ever done better together. Chores well I'll get to them eventually. Chico and Colleen I'll take all the good luck and prayers I can get. Erin I don't know why they do it that way. I think because the Drs. clinic is on thursday so they like to have the results and discuss where I go on my next treatment. Steph the prednisone doesn't seem to be hitting me as hard as it did the time before. You need to get my wife to relax the list over here before I could ever get to your house.

My pumpkin head is back but my body is great. No nausea and I'm feeling great and very much positive today. I had my theraputic touch today and it went great. The lady told me that it takes about 5 to 30 minutes to get your energy field aligned depended on stress level and then she'll leave for 15 minutes for me to relax. I told her I've been so stressed that she'd probably bounce off the wall when she touched my energy field. But all was good she spent 20 minutes on me or so then left the room and came back 15 minutes later. Then we talked a bit she told me my energy field wasn't so bad. WOW! Thought it might knock her off her feet. The graet thing about wellsprings is all the volunteers have had cancer so there very easy to talk. I goto meditation on Friday so I'll let you know how that goes... Then I rushed over to mcdonalds for french fries don't ask just another weird craving I get and it's just fries no Big mac or chicken nuggets. I picked Jen up from work and off to costco for pickles and spinach.

Tiger Woods I'm shocked I just have to say I'm becoming intrigued with this whole mess. I mean what was he thinking he's famous did he really think he could pull this off seriously... Oh well!!!

Day after 2nd cycle of chemo!

2009-12-08T07:00:00.001-08:00

Well first of all I just want to thank everyone for the supportive comments from my last blog the are always appreciated. Ron & Moe I'm not sure about the curry and pickles. Jolaine anything is possible and Erin I'm now curious what you wanted to drop off I'm like a 4 yr old at christmas.

Well yesterday was a bit different my appointment was at 9am when I got there they told me my blood count was to low on thursday so i had to do blood test again to see if I could still get my chemo. My thursday count was 1.3 and they need it to be 1.5 to start next round. About an hour and half later my blood results were way past the 1.5 and in I went for my chemo. The nurses as usual were awesome the whole cancer clinic has been awesome. Everything was the same as the first treatment except way faster. I started at 11:30 and out before 3:30. The first night was the same as the first night of my last cycle. I had a decent sleep with no nausea so I have high hopes that these 3 weeks will be much like my last. The predinsone Already has me buzzing so I'm not excepting to sleep much this week and that's ok. My spirits are high and looking forward to christmas. My next appointment with the dr is on the 23rd of Dec. My next chemo is on the 29th of Dec So I'm sure the steriods will keep me up for new years for the first time since I had kids. Maybe I'll have a glass of red wine and pickles to celebrate the new years.

Thanks Chico and Colleen for the pickle ornamment for Christmas it's already on the tree and hopefully I don't get desperate and take a chunk out of it.

Ups and Downs!

2009-12-06T16:57:00.000-08:00

Ok Jolaine & Kim we'll work out chemo dates! Colleen I'm doing good but there are ups and downs and I knew there would be... Jennifer the lasagna was great thanks again! Jewel when is the food coming?

Well I was bummed out this weekend because basically my prognosis has changed since My last visit and it never hit me until friday. Basically I was told last time at the cancer clinic that they had all my results and they believed that this was acting as a 2 or the non agressive grade. So even know they call it a 3a they think it'll act like a 2. Dr gascoyne the pathologist from BC cancer clinic who I sent my biopsy to for a second opinion says it's a 2. So most likely I'm a grade 2 not a 3. I think i'd rather be a 3 besause the chance of it coming back would be alot less. But if a 3 comes back it could be nasty. 2 almost always comes back and can come back as agressive 15 out of 100 times and could be nasty to... It can come back non agressive to. So I kinda got my mind on 3 and focused on where I had to go and now I'm a 2 most likely. So I'm learning about 2 which most people have on my Follicular NHL with people from Ontario website and is very positive and amazing stories. Most of these people all have relapsed 2 and 3 times so they have more ups and downs. One Man from BC was diagnosed with 3a that acted like a 2 in 1988 pretty much exact same diagnoses as I have and he relapsed 2 yrs after his first chemo then 10 yrs later relapsed and 10 yrs later relapsed again and is still here. So his story is awesome and is the one I'll feed off of for my confidence. So many of these people talk about diet and alternative techniques like meditation,reiki,yoga and completely believe these techniques are the reasons they are still here. So what do I got to lose I'm open to everything and am confident once again. So I thought I should update everyone as I go into chemo Tommorrow. Went to 2 great parties this weekend thanks Rob and Tina for the pickles. Thanks Gary for the help on the stairs. Thank-you Brenda for babysitting me this week. Wish me luck in my second cycle of chemo I'm ready to go!

More Chemo on monday!

2009-12-03T18:08:00.001-08:00

I was thinking that a pickle infusion is a great idea. Colleen & Chico I hope you keep on enjoying the blog. I'm bringing my dad to my next chemo so he'll be incharge of finding me food. Linda Jones those guys aren't that old that I golf with although most of us are sleeping by 10 oclock at night now. Kim I'm glad you and others tune in everyday it makes me feel good that you are all so interested. Aunt Lisa thanks for the ginger root and I need to call you and find out when I'm supposed to take it. Erin pizza every night for Todd. I think Jen and Todd should have married. They could of ran a little ceasars together. Uncle Jim if you converted your RIF to pickles from gold to pickles then you'll be living the good life soon! Derek I couldn't agree more with everything you said I'm learning what fruits a veggies I have to buy organically I'll check out the Comsumer guide. Dr OZ has his website that also tells you what veggies are safe to buy and which ones you need to buy organically. Apples are one example of ones you should buy organically. I was surprised because broccoli is safe to buy naturally. Jewel you always bring food it seems to be your thing no wonder I like you so much!!!

Ok I went to the cancer clinic today and met with Dr. Howsen-Jan. it's the first time I met him. He's another oncologist on the team I was told by the time I was done I will have dealt with 4 or 5 doctors. Dr. Howsen-Jan was great very informative. He felt my armpit and told me he could feel 2 swollen lymphnodes in my armpits. He told me this is good because it was so big last time they couldn't distinguish how many lymphnodes were swollen and that they had almost fused together. I asked him why we have to wait 3 weeks between treatments. He told me that the in the old days they used to do the chemo week after week. They would kill off all the good cells but this would leave the patients vunerable to dying from catching the flu and other things. They've learned since that three weeks leaves time to kill off the cells but not as much cells. By the end of the 3 weeks your body creates more cells on its own and then back in for more chemo to kill cells again. I've had a dry cough for over a week the doctor didn't seem to be concerned as long as I have no fever. I've noticed that I have some mouth sores. I'm not sure if it is just a canker sore from all the pickles or if it is from the chemo. They really sting when I eat my pickles but the milk makes them feel better. Also tried eggnog and pickles tonight not too bad! Jeff gave me some special mouthwash for mouth sores and I'll have to try it out tonight. I gained 6 pounds over the last three weeks and that's not bad considering I ate like a pig. Anyhow at this rate if I gain 6 pounds every 3 weeks and 7 more cycles. So 7 times 6 is 42. my current weight is 242 plus 42 makes me 284. Then I can go on my wifes favorite show the biggest loser. It is very surreal being in the cancer clinic because I don't feel sick. But I am very sick! I look around and so many people look sick and most of the patients are older. When I'm in the clinic I feel like someone slaps me in the face a says hey dummy your sick. I realize the seriousness of my diease when I'm at the clinic. Well at the clinic today I met a real character today. He was sitting right across from me and I could tell as soon as I sat down that he was going to talk to me. Then off he went into a conversation about the clinic and kinda started to talk negatively about the doctors. That's where he lost me because my experience with the doctors and nurses have been amazing. So up I stood and off I went and my poor wife had to listen to him rant. This is where my life has change a bit since I've bee diagnosed with cancer. 2 months ago I would of listened to him rant but now I just get up and leave. Then I go home and carry on with life and that's all I can do and I'm good at doing that. I do occasionally say why me? But I don't feel sorry for myself for long. I feel lucky for what I have and who I have around me and all of you. Round 2 of chemo I'm bringing my dad with me and Jen. I plan on letting as many people who want to come and check it out to do that. So if anyone wants to see a chemo treatment I have 6 left after this one. So sign up! You will have to fetch me food though and that can be tiring. I haven't lost any hair yet but my wife is hoping my nose nair will fall out they tickle her when we kiss. I hope my chemo will be done before 1:30 so I can go to my cancer support group after my chemo is done. Anyhow I'm sooooooooooooooo tired everyone have a good night sleep!

One week until my next treatment!

2009-11-30T17:50:00.000-08:00

Jen & Mom & Colleen it's so nice to hear those words about Grandma Rose. Grandma Rose loved my Jennifer and it was sad that she didn't make it to see us get married. Brenda one more week of a quiet house and we'll have the 2 little busy bees buzzing around. Craig now that you've told everybody that I once break danced drunk in my santa pajamas. Seriously though that was one funny night and I think there is a video floating out there! Krystna you need to come over for a coffe or tea one night. Jewel the anwser is no you're still not aloud to shop with my wife. Erin I thought you were some fabulous cook but maybe I'm thinking of Todd? I'm well over a month now since I was diagnosed with cancer. I have to say I'm overwhelmed as cards and emails still poor in from people all over the place. Friends and family constantly call to offer there best wishes and help.

Today I went to my first peer support group for people with cancer. Since it's confidental I'm not going to say much other then it was awesome. The people were supportive and there stories were familar. I'm still on the pickle and cool whip kick. I think my mother in law sat in shock as i devoured 5 huge dill pickles and a glass of milk right in front of her eyes. I think she thought it wasn't possible that my gut could take it. Somehow I managed to not get sick through my first treatment. My white blood cell count should be on the rebound this week. These cells help fight off infections so I have to be careful I don't get sick. A fever of 38 will put me in the hospital. I'm a bit paranoid about germs so I wash my hands constantly and alway have hand sanatizer close by. I go in for blood test and to talk with Dr Chin Yee on Thursday. Not sure what he'll say to me because not much has changed since I last seen him. I hope I'm not due for a spinal tap at this next appointment Ouch! I have a few questions that you the readers passed on to me so thanks. Next Monday December 7th my second cycle of chemo will start. I've been told that just because my first cycle went well doesn't mean my second one will. But I got a feeling that it'll continue to go well. My second cycle shouldn't take the 8 hours that my first one did. I think they told me in and out in about 6 hrs this time. So I'll get my little chemo bag of goodies to help take my mind off the poison they're pumping into me... But this poison is making me better that's what I need to remember. For some reason I can't wait for golf season next year. Every year in June I go on on a golf trip. So that's my goal to be completely ready and to have my golf game in tip top shape by then. Otherwise the christmas tree went up this weekend with a big thanks to my wife. Daddy scrooge hasn't been in much of a christmas spirit this year. Jen crawled up in the attic and did most of the decorating. Watching her and the girls decorate and their excitement really picked up my spirits. So now I'm good and I'm very excited for christmas morning with my girlies. I missed my nephew Finn's baptism this weekend we chose to stay in London because we didn't know what to expect. So Finn happy baptism sorry we missed it. Sleeping hasn't been a problem since I have come off the predinsone. Energy level is down a bit but overall I'd say it is still high. Mental state is good right now and hopefully it'll continue. I forgot sign up for touch therapy or rieki or maybe evn some yoga. It's free I might as well try it!!! Some people swear by these techniques.

The emergency pickle run!

2009-11-29T07:55:00.000-08:00

Well a big thanks to Steph and Justin. Justin made a batch of homemade moshises pickles. This was huge because I had lost my costco card and had no access to my pickles. I had to pack up the girls and drive over to their house to get my fix of pickles. Justin generously filled my 2 jars. I polished off a whole jar the first night with the help of my brother playing the video game Metal Gear 2. My brothers direct quote," these are awesome." The second jar was done on Saturday night. Actually ate a half a tub of cool whip right after I ate my pickles it was sooooooooooooo good I recommend this. Jen I'm thinking a pickle drip is a wonderful idea. Erin maybe you could be our personal chef at the maisonville house. Jen doesn't enjoy cooking so I'm sure she'd be fine with this. Jewel and Jen you are not allowed to shop together because nothing good could possibly come out of this!!! Sister in law Jen the lasagna you made was like a fine wine 35 years is along time but I couldn't wait that long for the next one. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm that was a good lasagna.

Saturday was very much the most normal day I've had since I was diagnosed with NHL. We got up and went to the parade and the girls loved it. Came home and sat around like a bunch of lazy bones. Then went to my works christmas party for kids where the girls met Santa and received a gift. Health wise I continue to feel great. In some ways I feel better then ever. I start meeting with my cancer support group on monday at 1:30. I look forward to this because I find talking to people with cancer or have had cancer so interesting. Just the different way we handle things and we are all a bit different. I'm starting to see that it is very easy to slip into depression when going through the chemo and all the extra stress of knowing what's happening to your body... I think being open about my cancer and writing about it, staying active and eating well will help me from becoming depressed. I'm going to ask Dr. Chin-Yee if I can get a gym membership to work out while I'm on Chemo. It's my Mother in laws turn to babysit me this week. So we'll be watching Ellen in the morning. Ellen is actually kinda funny although I think I could dance better then her. I'm so ready to start my next cycle of chemo, one more week to go! Hopefully my bloodwork is ok on thursday and off I go for more chemo. The girls have one more week of daycare then the house will be a zoo from here on in. Which is the way I like it. As I was writing this Mikayla dumped a carton of milk on my new couch!

A special thanks to Stan and Lucille and Leo and Joanne for the Prayer cards. One in particular the prayer of roses. My grandmother who's name is Rose holds a dear spot in my heart. So much so that my Mikaylas middle name was named after her. For all of us that ever new my grandma Rose she was a saint. I know she's watching over me today!

Just a lazy rainy day!

2009-11-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

Well first off Steph I'm glad you enjoy reading the blog! For those of you that don't know Steph she is a friend and also a nurse on the cancer floor here in London. She was huge reason I got into the cancer clinic so quick. For that I'm very grateful... Helps to have friends in high places. She also relays me things that the doctors tell her. Erin if you want to meet for lunch I'm available anytime and yes you want me to pay because I eat way too much for you to pay. Keep your doors locked when in chatham... Christine I will tell everyone about your pics. I'm pretty sure I can't get pregnant, although Jen once told me that women can lose there uterus and I completely believed her. What do men know about the uterus seriously. Cathy thanks so much for the prayers having God on my side is huge. Chico well we have actually met just along time ago. My dads goal is to out fish you oneday. The old man is getting pretty darn good. Because of you I've had many perch dinners...Uncle Gary and Mariola I'll keep writing an updating that's what I do when I'm not eating. Mariola keeping giving him shit. Sick or not sick Jen doesn't let me get away with nothing. I will make it to Windsor eventually just looking for the right weekend. B&B very kind words again and yes it's great having you hear to take care of me. I'm afraid our quiet days will end soon when the girls come out of daycare. Ellen with you in the morning won't be the same with Marissa & Mikayla screaming.

Well I slept like 8 hours last night. So I think the steriod is leaving my system. But Monday Dec 7 I start my second cycle of chemo and will be back on the steriod so hopefully i'll sleep well until then. Sucked back five more pickles before bed last night. I had eggs for breakfast and at about 10:30am 4 more pickles with milk of course. Only got about 2 or 3 pickles left in my second jar. Then I'll move on to jar 3 holy crap. I bought 1 jar monday from Costco and my mom bought 2 for me yeterday again. These are the big jars with those monster dills. I've talked to some friends that also did chemo and this is not the norm they assured me. So if you know someone starting chemo don't go out and buy them pickles. Apparently I'm some kinda freak of nature. Also my dad and I met Jen for lunch at Patty's on king I had a corn beef sandwich with fries. I ate Jens pickles that came with her lunch. I have noticed my appetite is not as big now either. This extra sleep is cutting into my eating time so that helps. I'm sure I'll eat a big dinner though. I'm going to ask my sister in-law to make me another antioxidant lasanga the last one she made was great! Tommorrows goal will be to slide back out to costco to get more pickles don't want to run out on the weekend. If anyones looking for away to make a quick buck. By some stock in Moishes Dill pickles I think they're going to have a good quarterly profit!!!

Anyhow the lump on my armpit which got me into this mess. Has reduced significantly and Dr Chin Yee told me after the 6 to 8 cycles it would be gone. I have to correct some things from my earlier blogs because I'm learning more about my cancer. I have stage 3 Grade 3a follicular Non hodgkins Lymphoma. Dr Chin Yee said the stage in this cancer isn't as important with my particular cancer as it is with other. Staging involes the # of lymphnodes that are swollen and where in the diaphram they are swollen. The Grade is more important. Me being grade 3a they consider this on the fence of 3b and 2. 3b is consider agressive and 2 and 1 is Slow growing. The advantage of having the agressive cancer is it responds well to chemo and almost always goes into remission. Once in remission there's a 50% chance it'll never come back. I've heard from Jeff who recently went to a NHL conference that this stat is likely much higher now, since not many studies have been done since the rituxmba was added I think about 8 yrs ago to the treatment. I've been told as high as 90 % never coming back. The agressive one tends to stay away 5,10,15 yrs before it comes back if it comes back. If it does come back tends to be a bit harder to fight off next time it comes back. Now the slow growing one tends to be a bit trickier to put into remission. Once in remission it almost always tend to comeback but when it is does can be put back into remission. So I'm in the middle and won't really know unless my cancer comes back. Dr chin yee did tell me it generally acts more like the agressive. They have a bunch of catergories that they measure for your prognosis can't remember them all I know bone marrow is one of them. Which I have no cancer in my bone marrow. Age being another. Anyhow i'm at the very best in every catergory which gives me a very best prognosis. But it is cancer and can be unpredictable. I feel fantastic about my chances. I'm a huge believer in diet and know this will keep it from coming back. I'm reading alot about diet now and trying to develop something that'll work for me as soon as my chemo is done. So if anyone has suggestions on diet pass it on. Also I see the Dr Chin Yee next thursday so if anyone has any questions for the doctor send them to me and I'll ask him.

new remedy!! 8 pickles and 2 glasses of milk!

2009-11-24T16:35:00.000-08:00

this is what will get you 6 hours of sleep!

just to answer the comments from my last blog-Christine I would love to be your manager, like any good manager I can come up with a gimmic to get attention...Kent with a mullet and since you have the cute short spikey hair we will put you in leather like joan jett! and voila we have a team. we will let your fine work do the rest. jewel if you hear of soemthing let me know. craig and bj I can babysit when I am up all night! Linda please tell mike to hold my spot for the golf trip this year!

last night at 9 oclock I polished off about 8 pickles and then chugged 2 glasses of milk and one cup of roobois tea and then slept 6 hours straight! not sure if this is scientific evidence but I was thinking of doubling everthing tonight and making it 12 hours! after this great sleep I woke up feeling normal and in a great mood. I took my wife to work this morning, took the girls to school and then later picked Jen up to go to wellspring they are a cancer support place, looks like I am going to be doing some yoga, touch therapy, reiki and peer groups. then I was off to costco with my mom for more pickles (2 big jars) then I took Jen out for dinner and a trip to home depot...pretty romantic eh?

a big thanks to Jeff who was in London and brought me out for lunch for a little follicular nhl discussion and support. shout out to krystyna, another nhl buddy who keeps sending good vibes!
I have a story, not cancer related but who's mother wouldn't remember this. when I was in highschool my mom announced that our house had been paid for so she took us out to mcdonalds for a treat.on the way to mcdonalds, at the busy intersection of lauzon and little river a bunch of cop cars slammed into the intersection surrounding a small blue chevette the cops jump out, pull their guns and yell at the man in the car to get out! he jumped out and got on the ground with all the guns pulled on him. I was sitting in the front seat of our car which was the first one at the light right beside the guy watchign all this..and I find it so funny that my mother cannot remember this story! just had to put that out there. mark do you remember this? matt? jolaine? anybody?
shout out to my wife who dined out with me at east side marios! followed by some mcdonalds ice cream! adn my eating will continue because I have a couple of man dates this week, lunch with Gary and Breakfast with Derek! and they said I would lose weight doing chemo! I have chemo gut!
thanks again for all the support and the comments! I love em.
over and out
SUCK IT CANCER!

A Good nights sleep anyone!

2009-11-22T19:06:00.000-08:00

Well I think I have slept a total of 6-8 whopping hours in the last 3-4 days. Today I hid in my bedroom because I was tired and miserable. It's tough laying in room and not being able to sleep while the rest of the world functions. I thought i'm better in here because I might go postal from being so tired. I really thought when I got home from my brothers last night that sleep and I had a good chance... but not! My body is slowing from the lack of sleep which is what is making me miserable. I brought 2 lbs of chicken wings to my brothers so we could watch the UFC fight. He had one wing and I devoured the rest. My appetite is really picking up. I had, 2 bowls of bran flakes,2bowls of oatmeal, 2eggs and toast before 11am, chicken sandwich for lunch, bag of chips, 2 peanut butter sandwiches, roastbeef for dinner with squash and potatoes, cake for dessert, and the 2 lbs of chicken wings for the nightcap. Plus lots of fruit in between all this. If I don't sleep tonight then I'm calling for sleeping pills tommorrow. My wife took the girls outside to play in order to try and quiet the house down. I don't think quiet is going to matter when my body finally crashes from this. I feel like I can't concentrate to well now either... The new couch is awesome by the way I feel like a king on it. The wife loves it to now. I think if she would trust my taste more often even she'd be suprised at what I could do. My mom and dad will be here all this week as my mother in law gets a rest. They will alternate until my chemo is done. I love having someone here it takes the pressure off the the wife and I when the kids wake up. All my family and friends continue to be great... This means so much to me and my family. I will be posting a family picture soon that a friend of ours had taken of us in springbank park. I just seen some more of her work today. She's amazing and needs to do this on the side we told her. So Christine I'm saying you're available for $100 an hour. She and her pictures are worth it. Great my blog is now plugging people. But only because I believe that much in her and her hubby.

Back up!

2009-11-20T23:52:00.000-08:00

Well after being up since 2 am the night before I fell asleep at 10 pm finally last night but back up at 2:30 this morning. I might have to resort to the cancer fighting wines soon. I'm thinking a whole bottle or so. Can't believe through all this how good I feel. Yesterday I was full of energy running around the house doing little odds and ends. Out doing the grocery shopping and making a so so dinner for the family. My mother in law was waiting for me to crash. But around 10 last night after I finished setting up the printer wirelessy I did crash for 4 and a half hours. Not the 10 or 12 hours I was hoping for but it'll do. I've got a new couch that I ordered coming this morning fro the brick. I ordered it when I found out about my cancer. It's now known as the cancer couch there for late nights when I need it. Tonight woould be great to have it. Well don't know if I could watch caddyshack again tonight. Might resort to Team American another classic comedy with no real storyline done by puppets. I wish the Colorado Avs could win a hockey game lately.

I've Got a pumpkin head!

2009-11-19T22:58:00.000-08:00

Well I think the predisone I'm on has given me a pumpkin head. It appears to be orange although my mother in law says no! My teeth are also numb tonight. Certain of my favorite foods make me want to gag just by looking at them. Other then that it's 2 am and I'm up. Everyone else is sleeping. This is where it gets lonlely sometimes... Your mind wanders and thinks crappy thoughts. That's why I write because there's so much to be thankful for. I sniffing out more baked goods my wife has made for work tommorrow. They look great but I better leave them. Cancer or no cancer she'll kick my but if they are missing. My energy level has been consistent but we'll see if that changes because I'm off the steriod tommorrow. I got to play with the kids quite a bit tonight as well as my niece Lily, and nephews Noah,and Finn. Actually Finn just sat in his highchair and ate, just like a true Maisonville. Well once again I enjoy reading everyones comments you make my late nights.... Love you all!!!!!

Day 2

2009-11-18T01:24:00.001-08:00

First of all I want to thank everyone for commenting on my blogs. The encouragement is so apreciated. All the food everyone has sent over has been great! Well 2 days and so far nothing as far as feeling shitty. Jeff who has went through chemo last year himself gave me good advice. Take your pills don't be a hero. I've been popping my gravols every 4 to 6 hours. The predisone (a steriod) keeps me awake big time. The gravol seems to be no match for it. I did sleep 6 or 7 hrs last night though. I'm starting to freak out a bit as I realize the chemo is killing off the cancer cells as well as my good white cells. I'll be using my hand sanitizer and washing my hands like crazy. Thanks to my mother in law for getting the kids off to daycare for us in the morning. I'm so glad I have decided not to work through this. Even though I haven't felt to bad you still feel off a bit. I'm up at weird hours. Well wish me luck I'm going for a long walk this morning after I eat my eggs...

1:30 am and I'm wide awake!

2009-11-16T22:38:00.001-08:00

Well I'm wide awake I think because of the predisone. But no nausea and I feel very good. If it could only go like this throughout. Thanks to the boys at work and Jeff. The xbox and nintendo are going to get a workout tonight. Also watched caddyshack tonight. That movie deserved an oscar. Knocked up was great to. Thanks again Jeff!

First day of chemo!

2009-11-16T16:11:00.000-08:00

Well I have made it through the first chemo. All my worst fears have been erased... I originally thought the clinic would be like a funeral. The reality is it's a party with a bunch of sick people. Myra (my nurse) Sat me down and explained everything clearly. Anything I needed or concerns I had were taken care of immediately. They started me on the wonderdrug a small little football shaped pill for antinausea. Followed by predisone and benadryl. That made feel like a 16yr stoned on a saturday night. Then they slowly pump the rituximab in for 4 to 5 hours. They follow this one carefully checking blood pressure every half hour. Once that's in I got 2 of the other chop drugs one by iv and one injected by hand this is the red kool aid looking one. Makes you pee a funky orange color. Followed by the last one that takes 3 or 4 minutes. To lazy to look all the names up of the drugs. Then what was long and exhausting day is done. I ate like a cow at the hospital. A big shout out to my wife and mom who I sent on wild goose chase for food. Food consumed today, footlong roastbeef sub,3 bagels,one large bag of gummy bears, 2 chocolate bars, and bowl of cereal. Also drank a ton of liquid. The nurses loved my tshirt I wore today. The caption on the shirt was " hey cancer suck on this" with an arrow pointing to you know what! Thanks Christine,Kent, and McKenna...
Well I'm bushed... I'm going to take my wonder drugs soon and cross my fingers for no nausea. Want to thank all my nurses today you guys rock!!! To Everyone who called made food sent gifts and just showed up to say hi couldn't do it with out all your love! Cancer has no chance against us! Erin,Stanley,Chistine thanks for preparing my big bag. It'll be used at every treatment...

People are amazing!

2009-11-13T22:51:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I get so sick of hearing in the news all the crappy shit that goes on in the world. Since I've found out about my cancer let me tell you how generous,loving,and caring this world can be...

- My Mom and Dad show up immediately to console me.
_ Hundreds of phone calls pour in as news of my cancer spreads from friends and family.
- Sister in-law brings over a care package with all antitoxicants foods and drinks
- Mother-in-law and Father-law show up the next day to help out.
- More meals show up from neighbors and friends.
- 2 Friends show up and rake leaves.
- 1 buddy offers to finish the renovations I haven't bothered to finish since I've found the lump and for free.
- My Sister in laws brother gives me a medallion of a Saint with a dvd of his amazing story.
- my parents pay to have the duct work cleaned.
- mother in law pays for marissa's winter coat.
- Daycare teacher offers to babysit whenever needed.
- Everyone offers to babysit whenever needed.
- Jen's nurse friend helps fast track me into the cancer clinic.
- Jen's friends from work pitch in to have a cleaning service clean are house before I start chemo.
- My neighbor takes me out for breakfast.
- my neighbour helps me rake more leaves.
- my neighbours hug me.
- more phonecalls pour in.
- people offer help with snow removal while i'm on chemo.
- Hr lady fast tracks my insurance claim through.
- Hr lady gives me her cell # says call her anytime to vent and give me her antitoxidant tea she got from england.
- 14 toolmakers from work pitch in and buy me 42 inch plasma tv X box 360 and 4 or 5 games plus a card with $60 in it.
- Jeff whom i've never met but we share the same cancer sends me a care package with sweater,hat,funny movies, inspirational cancer books,medications,and a nintendo ds.
- friend of Jen's takes us to the park to do a photo shoot for us
- 3 friends pitch in and make up a little care package to take to chemo with me.
- my wife buys me a couch I want so I can lay my sick ass down. Even know she hates it.
-old grade school friends email and call offering advice and whatever help is needed.
- brother shows up to cut my lawn.
- millions of prayers said for me.
- A priest gives my wife hope!
- My wife is always there.
- My doctor gives me a second appointment to anwser mo questions.
- Jeff fast tracks me into a second opinion With the big wig specialist of Follicular NHL in BC.
- Secretary at the london hospital fast tracks my info to this gentlemen. in BC.
- My boss accomadates me on everything.
- Guys at work switch me shifts so I can work days.

My Real Prognosis!

2009-10-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

Well my family doctor didn't give much of a prognosis. He admitted never having anyone 37yrs old with Non hodgkins Lymphoma (NHL). Anyhow Yesterday Oct 29, 2009 I visited the London Cancer clinic for my first appointment. I brought my mom and my wife. It was nice to have them there! My wife has been great because she advocates for me quite well. She was very nervous as was I while we sat in the waiting room but she put on the brave face. My mom she hurts I can see that she's scared for me. I have 2 little daughters. All I can think when I'm in the cancer clinic is that I'm glad I got cancer and not my daughters. So for my mom to watch her son with cancer is hard.
Next I do some bloodwork followed by more waiting. Finally we are called into an examination room. Next I meet the oncologist Dr. Chin Yee he does an examination of me. Then he sits down a proceeds to explain my prognosis. For an hour and half my wife spews out questions. He anwsers everyone carefully and detailed. I realize after he leaves the room that I didn't hear one question or any of his anwsers. I was to busy thinking of my girls without dad... I heard 8 yrs so I thought I had eight yrs to live. I looked over after Dr Chin Yee had let the room. My mom and wife looked happy. I thought 8 yrs must be ok with them. I said, "What do you think?". My mom said she was hopeful. Jen seemed very satisfied to. Man oh Man bring people with for these kinds of appointments. Basically this is what I have learned since. Don't hold me to this because it's all new as of now. I have Follicular Non Hodgkins Lymphoma grade 3a. This is where it get's confusing. There's 4 stages of this lymphoma 1,2,3,and 4.... 1&2 being the slower growing and 3&4 being the more agressive. Grade 3 also has an a&b myself having 3a. You actually want the more agressive cancer. Grade 3 responds well to chemo and once in remission tends to stay in remission for a long time. If it does come back it's very treatable with chemo again. Where as 1&2 doesn't react as well to chemo and tends not to stay in remission as long. When it comes back it's harder to treat each time. Grade 3a means I'm in the middle and they won't know if it will react as a 2 or a 3. Let's hope it will act as a 3.

My Diagnosis Story!

2009-10-29T21:17:00.001-07:00

I think I need to explain how I came to my diagnosis. One night in August 2009 I went into the bathroom to shave my face. I lifted my arm up and noticed I had a lump under my armpit... SH%T it was huge like half an orange hanging from my armpit. How in the world did I not notice that... Called my wife up to look at it and she freaked... So within a week I had an appointment with my family Dr. He said that he beleived it was a cyst but was concerned with the size of it. No kidding it's huge! He proceeded to order blood test,chest x rays, and ultrasound... I went on google as well as my wife and pretty much self diagnosed myself with cancer,lupus,heart diease,hiv,mad cow,and anything else that could kill you. I thought I had it all combined (so don't google lumps under your armpit). I went for my blood work and chest xray the next day. About a week later I had been at the doctors with my daughter for her appointment and asked him about my blood work. He said it all had come back good and he had still thought it was just a cyst. About a week or two later I had my ultrasound... That's when I became scared. The radiologist who came in to view my ultrasound started checking my other armpit my chest,neck,and abdomen. Holy shit he was calm but I could feel he was freaking. "Have you ever had a diease before?", he asked. I don't thinks so... Another week or so went by and my wife and I went to the family doctor to find out hopefully it was just a cyst. When we had got there the Doc still didn't have the results. He told me he'd call me as soon as he did. I went for a nap and was woke by his call. It's the lymphnodes he told me they're enlarged in both armpits... Just fliping great! Now what? More test... My family doc tells me the next step is a biopsy. 2 types a needle biopsy or surgery where they would cut my armpit open to take a chunk to send for testing. He said he would order a needle biopsy for me since they are much quicker... My wife God bless her took action into her own hands. Basically with the help of her friend Steph got me a needle biopsy within 2 weeks. The doctor who did the needle biopsy was fantastic. He sure poked me alot. 10 days later the family doctor calls he has my results. I wasn't panicked because he told me good or bad he'd call me in to explain the results. Tuesday Oct 20 2009 10:45am we go to the doctor he comes in the room to inform me that I have Non Hodgkins grade 3 follicular lymphoma. The room went still my body stayed in the chair but my soul rose out of my body and floated to the ceiling. I could see my face and my wifes horror and disbelief as she attacked the doctor with what seemed like violent questions. I won't be able to see my daughters grow up I could cry right now. Prognosis: 5-10 yrs lots of chemo... 37 yrs old and cancer Mother F#$ker why me? Followed by lots of crying. talk to wife cry, talk to mom cry, talk to dad cry, sister cry, 2 brothers cry, mother in law cry, father in law cry, cry,cry,cry. Think of my girls and I cry twice as hard. Do you get the picture?